Work, work, work.

I am going to die. I think I was being stupid in thinking that I could do it.

Tonight when I had finished work Anita asked me when I would be in next. Saturday. She then goes "but its half term why aren't you doing more?" She told Kevin that I wanted some overtime. He takes me up to the podium and then asks Lizzy to do it. Ass.

I am working Thursday 5-9, Friday 5.30-8.30 (on top of Centre Parcs) Saturday I'm working later- I'm starting at 2 and working till 8 so thats not as bad. Sunday I'm working normal (10- 4). Monday I'm working at Centre Parcs during the day and then I'm doing 5-8 and Tuesday I'm working 5-8.

I am such an idiot. When I'm stood there talking about hours I never seem to connect with my common sense. I'm going to be working 35 hours over 6 days and going to college. Idiot.

I'm not sure if I'm going to the staff party. I don't know if I'll have the energy to to be honest. plus theres the whole who can I go with. I was talking to Kat about it and she's like I'll go if you do and we can get a little group together. That would be good. I know that I'd know most of the people there and stuff but it would be better to go in a group coz then you're all together. But then people do keep asking but I dunno.

Work was quite fun actually. Except for these two crazy people who came to me twice. They were like stalki8ng me or something. And one of them even had the nerve to say that she was going to complain... to kevin. Some people. You know who you are.

Ollie, Pete and Tracey kept lowering my chiar so that I looked like some sort of migety thing. (sorry to all midgets). Yeah was on express got quite busy but the time went more quickly. Had a laugh with Tracey (don't think Kevin really approved) and we just generally messed around.

There's one thing that I really don't understand. Today I noticed that all the runners or at least the people who tend to run, stuck their tongue out or made a face at me as they went past. I mean why? It's not something that you usually do in an adult work place (lol ASDA and adult don't really go) but yeah I had noticed Becky and Jane doing it before, but today it was all of them. I don't get it. Weird.

This morning was great too. I stayed in bed for ages. I slept till about 9:30 which okisn't amazingly late but for me it is. Then I led in bed and watched Princess Diaries 2 which we got this weekend. (I know what you're thinking Lora) Which is actually really good. I liked it better than the first one I think. Yeah probably.

When it was time to go to work I really didn't want to, I just wanted to stay in bed and watch films or sit in front of the computer all day.

I have a whole day off tomorrow which shall be great. I do really need to go and pick up my work from nursery but to be honest I don't really want go back. I suppose I'll have to at some time though.

Not alot really

I really feel like I have nothing to say. I know that there were a million and one things that I wanted to but I can't remember any of them. All I know is that cleaning gives you loads of time to think. And I did about loads of stuf. Important and not so important. Right now I feel so tired and just feel like sleeping. Which I think I shall do.

Night.

Am I lippy?

Kevin called me lippy. Not directly but it was about me. Ollie came in and asked him how he was today and he said "Fine apart from all these lippy checkout operators" and looked at me. I mean the cheek, just coz I asked to do something different a million times. I was bored. Anyways you're new and no one actually knows who you are or what you do. So :P

The day was soooooo bording I served hardly anyone. Had a late lunch but that was Ok coz when I was down there all the "younger ones" were so we all had a laugh.

When I went back upstairs after lunch some idiot had locked locked my slam lock so that it was actually lock and dint just look it (I later found out it was Kevin) So I had to go and find Anita but she was walking up to the cash office. Then Anette said that she was running away from me. Kevin came up and asked what was wrong and whay I wasn't working. I was like my slam locks shut so I can't. To which Lesley goes "No change there then" Rude. I mean I do more work than I'm supposed to. Everyone says that I practically live there so :P to you as well.

Ooooo and I've got some wine. Hehe. It tastes nice.

Easily persuaded

I must be going soft in my old age. Well softer anyway. I worked today 10-6 as usual. With one slight difference. At five to six Pete comes up to me and says "can you stay on for a bit to do breaks?" I was like "ummmmm" then me being me I said yes. I stayed til half past and did Angelas break.

Later I found out that I was the only one that agreed to stay on. They were a bit screwed though coz after I left there were 6 on check outs and Sam, Claire and Kathleen all left after that so that left three but then there were probably people on breaks and stuff so I hope they weren't that screwed. I told him that I'd stay on later but Pete said no. Which was Ok really coz I did want to go home.

It was when I was doing Angelas break that Caroline decided to pounce on me. "Naomi King" she said in a loud trying to sound authoritive voice (which didn't really work) "Can you work on Monday?" well I'm already working just not there- at Centre Pracs. As tempting as it was to say that I could do all day I can't leave Shirley in the lurch like that- Although I wouldn't have to quit, they'd probably sack me. I old her that I could work after 4 she laughed. I know 4-6 isn't very productive really.

Later however Caroline came back and said "can you do 4-6 coz it's not looking to good" I was like yes score. It gets quiet at 4 so I won't have to do any work. Hehe.

She then asked if I could work on Tuesday and I'm like yeah sure what time. 12-8. Umm no. sorry I can't be doing with an eight hour shift, it's just not happening. So I'm doing 6 hours instead, 2-8 which should be Ok. And I think Jane works and it's always fun winding her up. Lol.

Not much happened today really. I broke the chip and pin machine so had to type all the card numbers in. Argh I could have killed Pete for that, but then he did fix it for me. Anita kept picking on me, but thats nothing new. I was stalked by like three people who kept coming back to my till. Sharon came in. And I served Gemma and Ross, that was quite funny, she kept saying that ASDA must be fun. It's like yeah of course it is.

I have done nothing tonight. Nothing. I have to find something to do. Apart from watching Big Brother which I said I shouldn't do.

This years house is full of chavs, tarts and weirdo's. Should be fun. We were talking about it at lunch time. most of the people in the canteen were there sat around having this disscussion about Big Brother.

Oh and I need someone to come abrourd to like America or somewhere to work with me coz my parents don't want me to go on my own. But then I'm 18 and stuff so they can't really do much if I do.

Guess who's back?

Well today was pointless. Although I did manage to finishe the upgrades on my observations. I just forgot to hand them in. Idiot.

Th highlight of the day was going to town. We didn't really achieve much except Lora trying on a couple of over priced dresses on in Monsoon.

We got a pizza and sat in the park. That was quite fun. Just sat there on a bench under a tree. Eating yummy pizza. We should do that more often.

Went back to college did nothing except a word association thing which me and Jo sent to everyone. Coz yeah we have nothing better to do. But then thats always the way- we're bored we do unconstructive annoying quizzes, get used to it people. I like it though. Means I get to be nosy and delve in to peoples minds or lack there of. :p

Went into town after college coz my Mum said she had to get Laura. Walked down with Jo avoiding certain people. Went and looked around town bought a top (I said I would Jo) But it was only £5 so it didn't really matter. And before you ask Jo it looks like this. And it's pink so theres no need to worry.

Me in my top (in case you hadn't already guessed)

So came home and Laurs back. Mum hadn't gone and got her (liar). When I got in she was there surrounded by all the junk she had bought, and there was alot of it.

Then she goes "I've got something for you" and guess what she pulled out the bag???????? A Heffalump!!!!!!!!!!!! (Don't worry Jo she didn't get me a Stitch, she did meet him but that's a different matter) Ok it's not a purple one, like a bought in Bath. It's better. It's a pink ballerina heffalup.

See pink heffalump.

So now I have two heffalumps. It's not quite Jo's twelve Stitches but heffalumps aren't as common as Stitches.

Two heffalumps.

So yeah now Lauras in bed and the house is still quiet. She's so sweet she bought me the heffalump out of her own money (it was $9- she left the price tag on) and I've kinda nicked her beady necklace thing which is kinda doodey as a braclet.

Big Brother starts tonight. I'm not even going to bother saying that I'm not gonna watch it coz I know I will. I always do. Other peoples lives are sooo interesting.

Silly quizzes and serious questions.

So today I have spent most of my time doing silly quizzes about absolute crap. I mean now I know that I am the number 2, am going to die at 67, am 60% right brained and am 50% normal along with a load of other stuff that I can't remember.

But the most interesting one perhaps was the one that Jo sent me to it gave me the very rare opportunity to think about stuff and get all deep. It was about religion. Now although I do have a bible thats only because it was given tome when I left primary school I have never been very religious. Ok I'm not religious at all really. So yeah the questions made me think about what I really believed.

So yeah I am an agnostic which means that I neither believe nor disbelieve. Which I suppose is true. whats most worrying is that I score 67% for satanism, and 29% for Christianity which is what I was brought up on really, I mean at school and stuff.

I always say that I believe in the possibility. I could neirther believe or disbelieve without proof. And there is no proof either way really even though some would say there is.

So had psychology today.

Helen caught me checking to see if my phone was on silent and took it away. I mean that was rude. Just because she thinks that they're not allowed in doesn't mean they're not. You can take them in as long as they're not on your person and are on silent. Then she goes if reception is going to be shut I'll give it to Veronica. I was like omg don't do that she doesn't like me at the moment. She'd probably keep it out of spite. Anyway when I went to get it from reception the stupid woman couldn't find it. Not happy. But I've got it back now so that's all good.

The first paper was ok. I knew most of the stuff anyway. Th questions were abit funny but it was ok.

The second paper was horrible. But then I knew it would be. Those subjects are my weakest points, so I knew I wouldn't do too good on those.

The third paper was the best exam paper ever! I knew the answers to everything that was asked. But then that was only coz we did it in class on Tuesday. I was all hyper and stuff when we came out of the exam. And everyone gave me dirty looks when I said it was easy. Just because I knew something and they didn't. Just because I'm hyper and they're not.

Just coz I had the egg song in my head all through the exam. It was kinda annoying but when you've got nothing to write it can be quite entertaining. Oodle doodles.

So now I'm sat at the computer doing nothing productive and singing the egg song.

A Reason To Be Chav.

Today was the most pointless day ever. We had no lessons so we did no work. The "crew" just sat up in the LRC all day and played on the dodgy games that someone found (can't remember who).

I pretended to be looking for jobs for a while. But yeah that didn't last long.

So yeah wasted time. Alot of time.

We did however decide that we wanted to go to the zoo. We're gonna "get lost" on the was to the bowling trip. That should be fun. I didn't really have that many objections to going- I mean I would go and all that but I would much rather do something different, without them.

At lunchtime we were all sat there and Kelly gasps and I'm like what? She points at my wrist and goes "Lora look at the chavness" Now as I remember we had had a conversation about my wrist band yesterday when we were talking about chavs.

So, just to clear things up. I have a wrist band. It's number 24 in my list of things about me. I have a breast cancer care band. A lot of people on my mum's side have had cancer. Breast cancer being the predominant type. So there is a high chance of me having it. Or my mum, Or sister. Of someone close to me getting it.

So theres my reason to be chav. I have one, not loads. I have it for a good reason. not because it looks pretty. I don't co-ordinate my clothes to it. I wear it cause it's something that means something to me.


My wristband.

So yeah. I'm sat drinking wine now. I should be revising. I've got my psychologyexam tomorrow. I know I'm going to fail. I don't know half of it. But then you only need to get half marks to pass. So maybe there is some hope.

Of Chavness and Dogtags

The communications exam wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Especially when I heard that it was on youth culture. I was like what the fuck is that when it's at home? But it was better than I thought it would be and hopefully I scrapped a pass.

When I went back to the classroom afterwards Kim told me that I had to write a letter to Lynn, Magre and Veronica about my behaviour in the class last Thursday. Um yeah sorry I was bored, but then that wasn't really my fault was it?

So yeah I did that and sent it out to those in question and got replies from Marge and Lynn. Lynn asked me if I was prepared for the interveiwy thing on Friday and I was like yeah sure. Um liar liar pants on fire. I haven't really given it any thought really. I need to finish my CV, adapt my letter and fill in the form. But thats ok it's not much really.

I got three observations back today. All of them referred. Not funny. She'd referred me on not recording an observation properly (because he went to all the activities and I didn't specifically say that but it was shown on it) and because I didn't put the age of the child. Um down the bottom of the front sheet. 3:1. It's plain to see. Argh annoyingness.

So yeah funniness this afternoon. We ended up talking about chavs. A lot, more than usual anyway. It all started with the queen chav asking why eveyone was calling people chavs. Because they are, duh. Then Kerry was trying to explain what a chav was to Patrick without kinda saying look in the mirror sort of thing. But then I don't really think she knew exactly what she was talking about and so it turned into this huge group discussion, luckily Glynis was gone and so we could talk all we wanted without getting disapproving stares.

Lora started talking about how she needed a jacket and so she was there drawing this jacket and then she goes "and I want dogtags too". Somewhere between there and the end of the session we ended up wioth DCE crew dogtags. I'm not sure how it happened but it's a pretty cool idea. I like it.

I went to work and was the only one on express. It was soo busy. AT one point I had a que half way up the aisle. Luckily Sheila kept taking them to customer services that helped abit. And every once in a while I would have Kevin, Louisa or Anita come and help out to get rid of the ques. But apart from that nothing else happened. Oh apart from the guy with what had to have been the biggest ring in the world ever. I'm serious. It was huge. And it was the horribleist yellowist, tackyest ring in the world.

SO now I'm sat here talking to people when I know that I have stuff to do really but it's not that much so I don't really have to worry. Thats what happened last time and last time the work mounted up.

Sheep.

Why are people who conform called sheep?

Do sheep conform?

It's one of those things that you think of when your sat in psychology.

If you follow the crowd then you are called a sheep.

why?

We all conform. Whether we like it or not.

We conform to the situation. If we go to a new place then we conform to the way that others are acting, If we are in different situations we conform to those.

We conform to the majority. We conform to the minority.

Because its normal. Because we have to.

Because we have information.

Do sheep have this? Are sheep actually actually super smart beings that think and function like we do?

No. As amazing as that would be I don't think thats the case.

So why do humans get compared to sheep?

Sheep don't really follow each other of their own accord.

If you watch sheep in a field (and I have) then they all sit there on their own doing their own sheepy thing. They don't follow each other around. They don't play "everybody do this" or anything like that.

So do they conform?

I would say no.

We do.

We are not sheep. Sheep are not humans.

I was bored- can you tell? This is what happens when you mix a lesson on conformity with a wandering mind. Absolute babble.

I passed

I passed at nursery. I was really suprised by that. They always seemed to dislike us and when Glynis came they weren't exactly complimentary.

So, yeah today was pretty anti-climatic. It was just like any other day really I doubt thje children will even know that we've gone.

We got cards that were still wet and stuck together. They were made that day. A piece of A4 folded in half and a picture stuck on it. If size matters then that definitly wasn't the best card I've been given at the end of a placement.

When we told Jean last week that we would be leaving she seemed disappointed. Probably because there will be less help for them and they'd have to do more work. Ha Jean would actually have to spend time with the group. But then she did spend more time with the group today than she normally does and she was doing hers and Allys jobs.

So yeah I've really haven't got any work to do really. I'll have upgrades to do, but at the moment I don't. So yeah I have nothing to do.

Argh and I can't get to my emails. Hotmail must be down or something. I can't get hotmail, or messenger or even web messenger. Poop. I hate this I haven't read my emails in like over 24 hours. It's so annoying.

I fixed the computer and I fixed my printer in my room. So maybe I can fix this. Doubt it but hey if a lump of modelling clay can "fix it" then I'm sure I can. Or at least break it more.

Contemplation and work.

Last night was sooo cool. It really was. As Kate said last night "This is all the old crowd" and it was give or take.

As usual it was hugs and drinks all round as people arrived. it weird it's only been a few months since I really saw them but it actually feels like longer. Its always great seeing them but I wouldn't change what I did. College has made me me (sorry, I said it would happen).

So, yeah, I didn't get that drunk really eventhough I think I drank alot. We all danced. You know the classic dancey songs with the routines (5678, time warp, macarana, cha cha slide etc).

And then there came the slow songs. they were quite depressing and me, Jenny and Terry were just sat there swaying and stuff.

Near the end of the night there was major Destiny's Childness. Me, Terry, Jenny and Simone had been requesting various songs all night and none of them came on so when they finally did we were all like screaming (maybe I was more drunk than I thought). That was amazing. I love Destiny's Child and Simone (the bitch) is going to see them in like three weeks, I am soo jealous. So yeah we danced to that and it was soo much fun.

The how amazing 911 came on (more screams) and its like omg I remember this. And song of the night Spice Girls- Wannabe. That was soo cool we were there in our little circle and the line where it says "Friendship never ends" we wer all there arms around each other in the circle and I know it seems tacky but it, I dunno, it kinda felt special.

I know this goes against everything I've said but I kinda wish that I had had a party. I don't know if its the actual party thing or the just everyone thing but yeah I kinda think I should have had one.

Me and Michelle.

Everyone dancing.

So today I went into work. My head was fine but my legs hurt so much. When I went upstairs Kirsty came upto me and gave me a hug. Then she goes you're coming on express with me.

We spent the day throwing notes at each other. Lorraine found a teddy on the magazine rack and gave it to me to look after. Did you know teddy bears make really good dancers?

Any way. Amanda said that I was miserible and that she was suprised that I didn't get any complaints. Just because I wasn't all smiley smiley with one customer. Who died and made her queen of cheerfulness? I mean if she wants to see someone miserable then she should look in the mirror. Hypocrite.

And I served the most stuck up woman today. She wanted someone to go and get her some fags, so I called someone. She was all like "I know it'll take a while" and I was just like argh. Then when Lorraine did come she was like can I have such-insuch. So Lorraine went and got it for her and because she didn't suddenly appear back with them she was like "take your time then".

What is with some people? They just have their heads so far up their own asses.

Anyway I'm going to go and do some work now, because I've got to have done it by then to get it signed.

I said I'd do a post.

NAME: Naomi

BIRTHDAY: 5.5.87

HEIGHT: umm, five foot something

SHOE SIZE: depends

EYE COLOR: really dark brown

HAIR COLOR: black with funny bits in it

DONE DRUGS: no

BEEN ON STAGE: kinda

BEEN DUMPED: no

BEEN IN AN ACCIDENT: no

EATEN AN ENTIRE BOX OF SWEETS: no not in one go anyway

DYED YOUR HAIR: yes red went orange and black and it went orange

CHOKED IN FRONT OF SOMEONE?: kinda

WENT TO SCHOOL IN YOUR PJ'S: nope

GOTTEN DETENTION: yeah one

LIKED SOMEONE SO MUCH THAT MADE YOU CRY: no

DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE RIGHT NOW: no

DO THEY KNOW: no

WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A PERSON: sense of humour, good personality ect...

COLD / HOT: warm

RAIN / SNOW snow snow snow

GIVE / RECEIVE: both

WOOL / COTTON: cotton- i think

ROSE / DAISY: daisies are pretty but roses are better

PRIVATE / PUBLIC SCHOOL what ever doesnt really matter

PLAIN / CHOCOLATE MILK: chocolate

HISTORY / SCIENCE: both- the lessons really, well the people in them they were so much fun-
and I liked the subjects (most of the time)

MATH / ENGLISH: maths- animal algebra

SPRING / FALL: autumn is soo pretty

ROCK / COUNTRY: rock

PEPSI / COKE: either dont really mind

LOVE / LUST: love

EAT / SLEEP: sleep

--------------------------------FRIENDS-------------------------------------

WHO DO YOU SEE THE MOST? everyone, mainly the "dce crew"

WHO DO YOU WISH TO SEE MORE OFTEN: my "warminser bummies"

WHO DO YOU E-MAIL THE MOST: probably lucy

WHO'S THE LOUDEST: kate

WHO'S THE SHYEST: probably jo

WHO ARE YOU JEALOUS OF: probably laura coz shes in florida and im here with crappy
weather and exams

WHO GOTS THE BEST ROOM: dunno

WHO'S THE HORNYEST: probably jo (again)

WHO DO YOU TRUST THE MOST: dunno depends what it is

WHO KNOWS YOU THE BEST: dunno jo probably knows the most about me really

WHO'S YOUR BEST FRIEND: dont really have a "best friend" just alot of good ones

WHO DO YOU HAVE SERIOUS TALKS WITH: umm dont really do serious

WHO GETS ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: kerry and jo

WHO HUGGED YOU THE MOST: kate and michelle

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST: the warminster lot

FOUGHT WITH YOU THE MOST: no one i try not to fight with people

WHO ARGUES WITH YOU THE MOST: no one

FAVORITE FRIENDS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: simon and charles

IS MOST LIKELY TO BECOME A MODEL: erm...

HAVE KNOWN YOU THE LONGEST: aimee

DO YOU KNOW MOST ABOUT? dunno

----------------------DO YOU LIKE TO:---------------------------------------

GIVE HUGS: yeah

TAKE WALKS IN THE RAIN: yeah as long as its not too wet

WATCH TV? not as much

GO TO THE BEACH: yeah kinda

DO HOMEWORK: depends how fun it is

PLAY IN THE SNOW: yes i love snow

WORK OUT: no

TALK ON THE PHONE: no- I never know what to say

STAY UP ALL NIGHT TALKIN TO A FRIEND: sometimes

GO ONLINE: yeah too much

BE KISSED: yeah

DO WEIRD / FREAKY THINGS: yep (ninjaness)

--------------------HAVE YOU EVER:----------------------------------

BEEN TO A CONCERT: no :(

GONE SKINNY DIPPING? no

RAN ROUND NAKED: no

BROKEN A BONE: no

CHEATED ON A TEST:ummm yeah

RAN A MARATHON: no, i like living thanks

MET A FAMOUS PERSON: yep, i met Arthur Fowler from eastenders

BOUGHT SOMETHING AND THEN SOLD IT: no, ive given stuff away though

STOLE FROM SOMEWHERE: no im a good girl

STALKED SOMEONE: no

---------------------------EXTRA EXTRA:---------------------------------------

BAD HABITS: talking too much, getting distracted, spending too much time on the computer,
not doing my work

WHAT MAKES YOU MAD: people not listening to me, not knowing stuff

SCARIEST MOMENTS: havent really got one

WHERE ARE YOU: in the lrc

ARE YOU WEARIN ANY JEWLERY? a pair of earings and my ring

LAST THING YOU SAID: what was the last thing i said?

LAST THING YOU ATE: areo bubbles

WHAT YOU REALLY WANNA DO RIGHT NOW: go home go to bed, but i should do some work


WHAT COLOR OF CRAYON WOULD YOU WANNA BE? a pinky shade of purple

100 Things About Me

1. My name is Naomi Margaret king.

2. Loads of people call me Numni.

3. Leaving school was the best thing I ever did.

4. I don’t know what I want to do with my life.

5. I hate talking about myself.

6. I am 18.

7. My DOB is 5/5/87.

8. I am a bogey (I work in ASDA).

9. I don’t know my biological father.

10. I have 1 sister (and unknown others)

11. I am at college doing childcare.

12. I used to live in a village called Heytesbury.

13. I did a reading at Salisbury Cathedral.

14. I’m not very confident.

15. I have a “needle thing”.

16. I love to read.

17. I like taking photos but don’t like being in them.

18. I’m bad at making choices.

19. I like pink, blue, and purple.

20. I like fairy lights.

21. Buying stuff makes me feel better.

22. My IQ is apparently 130.

23. I have hundreds of earrings but never wear them.

24. I have a wristband (I know)

25. I like feeling valued.

26. I have problems saying “no”.

27. I am really close to my mum.

28. I love Christmas.

29. I spend too much time on the computer.

30. I’m a gangster ninja Eskimo.

31. I don’t really know who I am.

32. I hide my feelings from people.

33. I’m going to fail psychology.

34. I went to Florida when I was 9.

35. I have a weird shoulder problem.

36. I’m wearing a yellow top even though I don’t like yellow.

37. At school all my design projects had a space theme.

38. I am bored.

39. I cry a lot- but not in front of people.

40. Blackcurrant used to make me travel sick.

41. I have really dark brown eyes.

42. I have black hair.

43. I don’t eat fish.

44. I own two copies of each of the Lord Of The Rings films.

45. I brought a Heffalump last week (finally)

46. I am a member of the “DCE crew”.

47. Jo’s wearing a top like mine but green.

48. I was born in Bath.

49. I have 6 pens in my bag.

50. Marge is disappointed in me.

51. This is hard.

52. I like knowing stuff.

53. I love the Harry Potter books.

54. I don’t have a best friend.

55. I went to the pub at lunchtime.

56. I left my floppy disk at college (again).

57. My computer is broke.

58. I like non- wet rain.

59. I love the snow.

60. I have never stolen anything.

61. The last email I got was of a whale’s penis.

62. I don’t like yellow gold.

63. I’d like a VW Beetle.

64. I can’t drive.

65. I met Arthur Fowler.

66. I watch Big Brother every year even though I say I won’t.

67. I was a member of the AMCC.

68. I used to have an afro.

69. I had red streaks in my hair but they went orange.

70. I have a purple bedroom.

71. I have a radio controlled pink mini.

72. I am co- inventor of animal algebra and twumbs.

73. I like to be part of a group.

74. I like to be alone.

75. I am a contradiction.

76. I “don’t trust” the dark.

77. The Boobahs scare me.

78. I don’t like talking to people seriously.

79. I want to go to New Zealand.

80. I love Disney films.

81. My favourite birthday card was one with an LGM (little green man) on.

82. I have a bible even though I’m not religious.

83. The last song I listened to was “White Horses” by Natasha Bedingfield.

84. I keep stuff I dint need or want, just in case.

85. I am eating pizza.

86. It tastes nice.

87. I’m trouble.

88. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

89. I like mud shakes.

90. I like hugs.

91. People (jo) get worried when I don’t wear pink for a few days.

92. I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts.

93. I love music but no particular type.

94. My toe nails are dark red.

95. I used to have pet chipmunks.

96. I was one of those odd children who liked vegetables.

97. At school I was best friends with the head teachers’ daughter.

98. My favourite cheese is cheddar.

99. I was going to take over the world but got distracted by something sparkly.

100. I talk absolute crap.

Unwritten

I'm in a funny mood right now. I'm not sure what it is really. I still can't do any work, I just sit here doing nothing in particular.

I went to Michelles art thingy today. It was fun. I got to see a few of the guys. And there was frre wine.

Everyones work was so good. It's one of those things that just makes you feel so unspecial. They all have such talent, it kinda makes you feel like saying "Why can't I do that?"

Amoung all the wine and stuff Kate got quite serious and said that I should come back and see Simon. Apparently he's been acting strangely lately, all grumpy and stuff and when we're together he cheers up. I doubt that that would be the case. He barely speaks to me anymore so *shrugs shoulders*

Being back at school was weird I haven't been there since December 2003. It hasn't changed a bit. It's still the same. Even the same posters on the walls in places. It's still strange to think that it's moved on. That everyone else has moved on even though I'm not there. But then so have I.

I was trying to explain it to Kate, badly I must admit, about how I missed school, well the people anyway, but how I wouldn't change the fact that I left to go to college. If I hadn't I wouldn't have met all the people I know now. At the time leaving seemed like the worst thing ever even though I knew that I had to do it and that was what I wanted.

I dunno I always get like this after I see them so expect more on Sunday.

The second DCE exam was this morning. It was hard. I really couldn't do it. I mean I didn't know what half the stuff was and the wording on the questions was all weird and stuff. I did however manage ti fit in seven theorists some how.

So yeah on the way back we were listening to Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. I love that album. I love the songs. I dunno what it is but theres just something about them. Strange.

One down

One down, one to go. I've done one of my curriculum plans and I've started the other one.

I went shopping this morning with mum and dad. Went in ASDA (suprise) for food. I'm working till seven on Saturday Pete asked me to work till eight but I can't coz of Beavens party so I said I'd do an hour.

I also bought a yellow top. Not like overly yellow a pale lemony colour one. I bought a pink one too.

I went back into ASDA to get some stawberries and everyone was wearing tiaras and sashes, so I went and asked for one too. Its beauty week so thats what its for but thats not the point. If I hadn't of nicked one today then I wouldn't have got one at all.

So just thought I'd update coz I'm having a break then I can go and do some more work. And maybe some revision.

Yeah

I talked to Laura today.

They rang the house. I was there asking her questions and all she said was "yeah".

"Are you having a good time?" "yeah"

"Have you done loads of things?" "yeah"

"Are you taking loads of pictures?" "yeah"

Then I had the phone taken off of me. I mean no one wanted to answer the phone in the first place so they forced me to even though I didn't want to. Then when I did it was taken away. Make up your minds people.

Written up half an observation and read a chapter in my book.

Should do more work but have no motivation. I know it should all be in by Thursday but I can't do it. Oh well.

Carter text me. I'm going to her art exhibition at school an Thursday night. Yay. I think it's just an excuse for me to go to school with all of them. It's not really about the art.

I'm gonna see them all on Saturday anyways coz it's Beavens birthday party. I think her birthdays actually tomorrow but I'm not sure.

I'm off to do some work- really I am.

We Went Drinking

We- as in me, Lora and Jo. Went to the pub and by drinking I mean a drink. We were there just happily chatting and stuff. No one else wanted to come. I don't think they like us. I don't get it, if they wanted to then we'd have to. It's always us. Do we smell?

I went to psychology as usual. Helen was there stressing the fact that if you don't revise then you won't pass. No when she says revise then she means five hours a week. Yeah coz I have time for that. She keeps asking us how the revision is going and I lied, I think we all did. I don't think that she was happy when I said that the DCE revision had taken a front seat, well it would if I did any, but it's like really that is my priority. I'd rather be a qualified nursery nurse than some one with As psychology and nothing else. Come on Helen use your head.

I think I'm pretty much fucked as far as psychology goes. I know the stuff, well most of it but it's applying the knowledge thats the important thing, not knowing it.

And my plan to like write random stuff if I get stuck is out the window. If you do anything like that then your paper gets sent to the chief examiner. So no letters or doodles or stuff. On the upside we're allowed to take in sweets and drinks. So if all else fails then I can sit and eat sweets for three hours.

DCE Field trip

Went to Bath yesterday with Jo and Lora a.k.a the DCE Crew. I'm sure that we've all got loads of work to do but, hey all work and no play and all that.

We went to see The Jacket. It's a weird psychological thriller thing. It's quite good. Got a bit confused but was OK at the end. Me and Jo went to the toilet when there was a sex scene though, so that was poopy.

We randomly walked around Bath after taking pics of random things and people. Was good, but yet again just us.

Went to placement today was ok. Was with the babies and Jodie was getting me to do stuff coz it was just me and her. Was with the tiny tots and preschoolers in the afternoon. We gave PDP's to Jodie and Jean today so fingers crossed and all that.

That's about it really. I haven't done any work even though I know I should.

I am totally fucked.

Books, boxes and conformity. (ignore if you want)

I don’t know where this came from but it bugs me. I don’t understand. Why do people compare them? Why can’t you like both? Why is there a rivalry between the two? I’m sure you’re completely lost so I’ll explain, but yeah it’s gonna sound stupid.

Harry Potter and Lord Of The Rings. I don’t get it. People compare them. They say if you like one you can’t like the other. There seems to be a rivalry between the “die hard” fans of both. But then a lot of them don’t seem to have given the other a try.

They are totally different so why compare them? I think its just coz of the fact that both were books made into movies. But the similarities pretty much end there. Oh apart from like the evil “dark lord” trying to take over the world and the “little person” who has to stop him.
Surely they’re different and should be taken on their own merit. That’s what should happen. That’s what should happen in life too but it doesn’t.

I’ve never understood that. I’m me do I have to be put into a category? Does everyone else? Surely they’re just them. Just a person. Why do we need all of the categorization?

People on the whole seem to make snap judgments on things, they judge the book by its cover as it were. Why don’t they read a little before they decide? But they don’t. people put you into a box. They put you with all the other people who are “like you”. But they’re not really.

We are supposed to live in an individualist culture. But we don’t really do we? We live in a place where you have to fit into a certain group. And if you don’t then you’re labeled a freak. So even then you’re in a group. We don't seem to value individuality like we should do.

Recently one of my friends MSN name was “remember you’re an individual- just like everyone else”. But are we? Do we really have the ability to be individuals?

Everyone conforms. That’s what Helen told us anyway. We conform to the situation, to the group. And that’s been proven. Asch (I think that’s how you spell his name) did an experiment. He proved it was right. The person always ended up saying what the rest of the group said, even when they knew the rest of the group was wrong, they said the same. I suppose so that they didn’t look stupid. But then in the end when you think about it they did.

So are we just like everyone else? Are we really not our own person? Are we all just playing a part just to fit into a group? Most would say no. But I’m sure that if they really thought about it they were.
I do it and I’m not about to say that I don’t coz I know I do. Its like there are different me’s and none of them are really real. This may sound really stupid but its how I feel sometimes.
I play the role that the situation wants me to, that the group wants me to.

At work I’m “trouble”. They say I’m always up to mischief I’m not and they know that but yeah. A lot of the older ones seem to like me coz I’m not really like the other “young one” who probably try to ignore them, who wouldn’t know who they were if they were asked. And I get on with the young ones coz I am one I suppose.

To my old school friends and “Warminster bummies” I’m Nutti (with an I not a y) I’m crazy, smart, kind and all that crap. I’m also quiet. I have little confidence in myself. I’m not the person that I am now, really I’m the “old” me. The me I’d be now if I hadn’t left if I hadn’t gone to college.

Which brings me to Numni. “a name founded from a verbal error as she trained to be a carer” I’m always Numni now, I call myself it. Numni is more confident. Numni is what I am now I suppose. But does she really exist? That’s another question I’ve been asking myself recently. Is Numni real? Is she just an act? My public persona.

Lora recently said that I always smile, that I never seem upset or angry or anything. That’s coz I’m hiding all that.

I’ve never been able to express m emotions to other people not really. Every time I come close to crying I stop myself or I move away from the situation. I think its coz I don’t want people to see me cry. If they see that I’m anything but bright and bubbly, that would ruin the illusion the façade. I won’t be what the group wants.

I think I’m so used to conforming to different groups that I’m not sure who I am. Or what I want to do. I still don’t really know. I don’t think I’m ready to go into work straight away, but I don’t think I could handle any more education. I’m so bad at making decisions, I think it’s coz I’m so used to going along with what everyone else wants, even if it means ignoring my own instincts.

I’m gonna stop babbling now and get on with some work, if I could write this much in my work that would be an achievement.

Ok sorry if this was confusing, but I had to get it out.

"The deep breath before the plunge"

"The deep breath before the plunge"- thats one of my faveourite quotes. It's from Lord Of The Rings. Gandalf says it to Pippin, before all the fighting starts.

I don't know whay but I thought of that today when I was at work. I was just sat there and it popped into my head. Maybe it has some significance, I dunno.

Maybe that's where my life is at the moment. Maybe its the time before everything happens. I'm at college for like another month, not even that. I still don't know what I want to do. At the moment everything is calm(ish) but soon everything will be hectic and I won't know what to do, coz it's gonna mean making choices and thats what I'm worst at.

I worked last night- that was not funny. Kat had arranged for me and Sam to cover her shift silly moo. I could have gone home early but Jane said that I had to stay, I can see why coz at nine there were only three of us on checkouts and then Steph went at half past so there was me and Becky. And..... I was on till three allll night. I hate that till and Jane said that I wouldn't be there all night but I was. But then she did give me a lift home so hey, I didn't mind too much really.

Went to work today. I spent like most of the day stood up, which is crappy. But luckily I was wearing my flat shoes not heels (see Jane there is logic in my madness). Today was pretty crappy really. It was really busy and stuff so I didn't ever get a minutes peace.

Pete asked me to stay on till seven. I'm sure he asked because he knew that I'd say yes. Knew that the chances of it not happening were minimal.

I should have said no.

I know that I shouldn't work as much as I do coz I've got college work but if they ask I do it.

I should arrange my overtime in advance like everyone else does. Not wait until five minute before hand, until they need someone- anyone. That's what it is. I'm the only one stupid enough to do it. I know alot of the others won't especially the older ones. It's us "younger ones" that will do anything empty freezers, work with five minutes notice, stay on longer if we're asked.

So...... anyway. Pete wasn't allowed to go early so I could. I went at six. Which messed me around a little because my mum was still in Bath decorating Aunty Dens kitchen. But anyway I don't really care it just means that I'm less likely to get taxed this month.

Mum and Dad talked to Laura today, while I was at work so I haven't spoken to her. Anyway shes having a good time. I'm not sure if I miss her or not, it's wierd. But then she's only been gone for a couple of days.

It's alright for some, I'm stuck here in England where it's bound to be cold, and I've got three exams while their away. Not fair.

Oh, we were talking about dream analysis in psychology soo when I can remember some of my dreams I'm gonna put them up here. But that means remebering them. I don't think I'm dreaming anymore. I can't remeber having one for ages.

Welcome to your friendly information helpline.

I was going through all the messages on my phone to delete them cause I'm getting my new phone today.

Anyway as I was going through them I noticed that loads of them were ones asking for information about something or other.

"When has such- and- such got to be in?"

"Where do we have to go?"

"What are we doing in such- and- such's lesson?"

"How do you do this?"

I am not a bloody information service. I do not know everything. OK?

It's not so much the people who talk to me all the time its more the people who wouldn't talk to me if they didn't want to know something. So why ask me? Because no one else in their little group would know.

They don't listen, so the pester me.

If I didn't know then what would they do?

Flying in an aeroplane

Well Laura's gone. *sad face*

We took her down Nans last night. She cried, ahhhhhhhhh i felt sooo sad. I know shes only going for two weeks but yeah.

She'll be on the plane right now somewhere over the Atlantic ocean. I hope they can get me a Heffalump. Yay Heffalumpness.

Anyhoo. Should be doing some work now. I have done some though.

Oh, and Vicky's leaving ASDA. *another sad face* Shes leaving on Tuesday, So I won't really see her again coz I'm off on Sunday. So now who am I gonna sit with on a Sunday? She was my Sunday till buddy. Now I suppose I'll have Katie though.

Jos birthday

Last night me, Kerry and Mel went round Jo's for her birthday.

We watched Freaky Friday, ate too much, drank too much (but I did'nt really get drunk), took loads of photos (well Jo did anyway) and listened to old pop music (Spice Girls anyone?)

Anyways, yeah was a great night.

I'm getting really bad at updating at the mo. I'll try to be better.

Psychology= boring

I was sat in psychology yesterday wondering why I was doing it.

Is it for the knowledge? maybe a little. I mean I like knowing stuff. Knowledge is power and all that.

Is it for the qualification? Um probably not. I mean whats half an Alevel worth anyway?

Is it to be doing something that no one else is? Maybe. There were limited spaces. I wanted one. I didn't want to miss out.

Is it because I feel that I have to push myself to make myself "better"? Maybe. I dunno what it is I just feel like I have to do a million and one things so that I can be "better", I know it's a load of crap but I still do it.

Is it for the "experience"? Um no, if I wanted and experience I would go and do something outside of college.

To sum up I don't know why I'm there really. All it's done is made extra work for me. Is that the reason I'm behind? No. I just don't have the motivation anymore. I used to do everything on time. I used to but I've changed. I never considered that I'd ever fail the course, or that I'd be there up to the end of the year but now, thats looking more like a reality.

I know I've got work to do but I can't do it. I can't concentrate.

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to you,
You live in a zoo,
You smell like a monkey,
And look like one too!

Only joking. Happy birthday Jo.

Half an hours notice.

Went to placement. Was with the tiny tots. Didn’t do my observation.

Nothing much happened during the day accept that I got covered in paint. Oh and Jodie signed most of our PER's

Went to town after so that Kerry could get Jo’s birthday present. We walked round in circles for a while re-visiting the same shops.

Then we went to ASDA to buy some alcohol and Jo’s surprise thing. Kerry was moaning cause I talked to people in there. Actually she said I talked to everyone and we had only just walked in.

I had only talked to Angela cause it was her birthday on Saturday and I wanted to know what she got.

So we went in got the thing and a bottle of wine for tomorrow night. And I went to check if id got a holiday slip for Sunday, and Pete walked up the podium and asked if I wanted to work. I thought he was joking.

But he wasn’t.

I asked him when and he was like “as soon as” as in now. I told him that if he gave me about half and hour then I would. I rang my mum and she bought my uniform up, being the lovely mummy she is.

I think they always ask me because they know that I'll say yes. Its what I do. I do what people want. I can't say no. I just can't. so thats how I end up doing silly amounts of overtime or working with like half an hours notice.

So I worked, I said I’d start at five but was a bit late but don’t think that Pete cared cause he loved me. And I was an angel and all that crap. I broke a till too that was funny. It was the disabled one that always has to be open. Lol.

Lizzie came and gave us all lollies. Mine was the only pink one cause I’m so special and stuff.

And Pete was being really mean to me. He wouldn’t let me go home and it was that busy (ok it did get busier) he said that I still thought it was my birthday and so wanted special treatment (er no I came in at short notice) and he made an obscene hand gesture at me (middle finger anyone) and then blew me a kiss as if it would make up for all the nasty things he did.

Where’s Anita when you need her? She would have let me go home.

So yeah, then me and Carla were talking and I really wanted Chinese, a chicken chow mein to be precise. And so when I finished my mum took me round the Chinese and It was shut so no Chinese for me. So we went to Tescos and bought some chicken instead.

So I’ve done no work at all. But I did earn about £16.12 today.

And I’ve got this Sunday off.

Bath

We went to Bath yesterday. We spent agess and agesss in Clintons cause Sarah was looking for a birthday card for Jo.

Then we went in the Disney Store and I couldn’t find any Heffalumps- again. Then they all walked out on me and on my own.

We went to pizza hut and ate way too much pizza. And drank like four glasses of coke…….. Well it was free refills.

We went and saw the Amityville Horror at the cinema. It was ok. It wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. It had more of the “yuk” factor than anything else. Lora kept putting her arms over her ears and Jo kept jumping. She also kept going to the loo but that was because of the refills.

When we were at the station we took some pictures.

That was fun.

Progress

Well I've actually made alot of progess over the last few days workwise.

Last night after work I upgraded an observation from an E to a B because I need 2 more B's to get an overall B. I could get a C but over the last two years I've been aiming for a B so there's not really much point in letting that go because I can't be bothered to do one more B.

This morning I've done the C and the B of my routine and I've done everything on my unit 5 to get a C. I'm gonna start my unit 9 now I think.

I'm kinda optimistic about my work and what I've got to do. I'm going tro upgrade my school routine from a D to a C coz Glynis told me how to. Granted it was a while ago but we'e got forever with them so yeah go me.

I can't believe I'm doing work and I'm actually happy.

I'm going to Bath in like two and a half hours so maybe thats it. And Jo can come coz she did all her work. So well done Jo.

I'd best go do some more work.

Working 9-5......... well, 10-6

Went to work, no suprises there.

Today was quite boring really. It was quiet, well for a Saturday anyway.

Amanda made Ollie do another "Happy Birthday" over the tannoy. Not funny. I had customers this time.

Everyone one was like "how was your birthday?" "what did you get?" "what did you do?" and all that other crap. Everyone spent time admiring my ring and stuff.

Had legal training today. Was a bit crappy but we got out of work for about an hour and walked around the warehouse with hi-vis jackets on.

Finished work came home. Was gonna do work but, ummmmm didn't. So yeah.

Going to Bath tomorrow, but I remembered that I was supposed to be going to Niki's "suprise" party tomorrow but I'm sure she won't miss me so yeah I'm still going to Bath.

Need to do some work now.

Suprises

Umm, last night after Everyone had turned up Jo, Kerry and Mel suddenly "appeared". I knew something was going on because one, Jo and Kerry said "see you tomorrow" too much, two because Kerry kept whispering to my mum in ASDA and three because I was shut in the living room when they came in.

Sooo we drank. we had wine, malibo, archers and baileys. Welllll...... thats what Jo drank anyway.

She was sick. Though I'm not really suprised about that coz she hadn't eaten and she drank like loads in like a short time. So yeah, she didn't feel well.

Me, Mel and Kerry went upstairs and looked at Jo's birthday present and had achers shots. Did you know that your lips go all tinglely when you have them?

When we went down stairs jo was alseep on the bathroom floor. Lol that was quite funny.

So yeah.

So today we went to the pub as planned. Was quite fun. I soo ate too much but the waffles tasted soo nice. Ans just for the record I only had one drink today. And I had to buy it myself.

Then we went to the garden centre across the road, like you do, was quite funny. We looked around the gift shop for like ages and i bought key rings for me and Laura.

I realised today that I haven't got as much work to do really and I should be ok. I wrote up and observation today only to E, but still its done. I did the C grade for my baby routine too so I could hand that in and get a C now.

So on the whole I'm more optimistic right now, but then that may not be good because I might get complacent (or however its spelt)

I've got work tomorrow but thats it coz I've got Sunday off. Yay, it's my first day off in ages. We're going to Bath for shopping, pizza and movie. And to get Jo a new jacket- but not a black one.

Happy Birthday To Me

It's my birthday. If you hadn't already guessed from the title.

I woke up this morning to balloons presents and cards.

I finally got my ring. I love it. It's soo cool.

So I opened presents and cards and stuff was cool.

Got enough money for a decent digital camera and stuff so I'm sure there shall be pictures appearing somewhere soon.

Went to college. I'd just like to say thank you to everyone there, I hate to sound all soppy and stuff but I love you all- well....... today anyway.

Went in ASDA and bought alcohol. Ollie did do the announcement over the tannoy. I was in the middle of the aisle and no one knew he was talking about me so that was ok.

But......... then Kerrys mum came up to me and started singing "Happy Birthday" at the top of her voice so yeah that kinda drew attention.

Vicky was on a break so I couldn't go to her. I went to Shila instead and she didn't even ID me so yeah that was a bit pointless.

Then Ollie proposed to me. Lol that was sooo funny. He was like "how can I embarrass you?" and Kerrys mum was like "propose to her" so he did. At the top of his voice. Was so funny. He didn't have a ring so I gave him mine to use.

Yeah, so Nanny, Grandad, Sherene and Aaron are here and the Strops are coming later so housefull.

Oh and I didn't appreciate Neil putting up a banner witha picture of me on up at college. Was not funny. I wasn't amused.

So apart from the banner thing I've had a great day so far. Thanks everyone.

Great Expectations.

I meant to do some work but I didn't. I don't know why but I just didn't get round to it.

I mean none of the teachers seem to hound me because I'm me. I'm supposed to be brilliant. But I'm not. I don't know where people got that idea from but yeah. I'm not.

I need a kick up the bum. A big one.

I think that's the only way that I'm gpnna get done.

Everyone seems to expect me to be able to do stuff like I'm super of something. I'm not. I never know where people get that from but its always been the same since I was little.

People expect too much and I can't give them it.

I try to. I try to give them what they want from me. I go against what I feel just to please them. I care too much what people think. Of what I do. Of me.

I did however work out the HTML coding on here..... well kinda.

So yeah my blog looks different now. (In case you hadn't already noticed)

Tomorrows my birthday. Am I excited? Maybe a little.

I don't know what to expect. It's weird, i keep saying that it's just like any other day. But it's not. It's my birthday.

Annoying

I hate this.

They are annoying me so much.

I don't understand why they can't just gve it a rest.

They keep saying stuff and they know it'll annoy me.

They know that I dont want one.

But they still so it.

I can't wait for tomorrow.

Not because I'm excited but because then I'll know whats going on.

Thats Why I Don't Want A Party.

This is why I don't want a party.

This would be my greatest fear.

I went to Stacies Ann Summers party last night. It was Stacie, her sister, Jo and me.

And think if I hadn't have gone and dragged Jo with me then it would have been Stacie and her sister.

That is scary.

Rudeness.

Jo opened my present from Kelly.

I was in the toilet and when I came back she told me to go away. Yeah cause I didn't work out that it was something to do with the present.

She told me to go and get her some tissue. So I went.

I saw Stacy on the way back and she was like "Ican't believe what they just did I would punch their faces in if that was mine."

When I went back Jo asked me if I'd spoken to Stacy. I was like "No". But I had.

Jo thinks I'm mad at her.

I guess I am a little.

But not alot.

So don't worry Jo.

Stop Using Me.

Well she text me again.

"Can you tell whoever that I won't be in cause I have family problems".

Yeah whatever. I think you have a few too many family problems than are actusally real.

Anyways, what about the others?

Where are they? Surely you're not all involved. They're not you're family.

So where are they?

One day your excuses will wear thin and none of them will believe you. That'll be when you actually do have a family problem or one of you needs to buy a pregnancy test.

Stop trying to use me to tell people things that you should do yourself.

Stop asking me questions about stuff just cause you were'nt here to hear about it.

Stop thinking that because I'm "nice" I'll just give you the info.

I'm not going to any more.

Stop using me.

Why aren't you all in bed?

Why do people go shopping on bank holidays?

Why aren’t they tucked up in bed at nine in the morning enjoying a lie- in. I know I would be if I had a day off.

Becky said that she’d send me home early but she didn’t I was ther till gone six. Which was rude.

It was sooo boring this morning before ten. I think I served four people.

My biggest achievement of the day was building a house of cards. Which fell down.

Oh and balancing a closed sign on my head and walking down an aisle and and back again.

I beat Caroline.

I’m the best.

Stacie invited me to her Ann Summers party tomorrow.

I really need to find someone who’ll go with me to it cause I’m kinda scared.