Books, boxes and conformity. (ignore if you want)

I don’t know where this came from but it bugs me. I don’t understand. Why do people compare them? Why can’t you like both? Why is there a rivalry between the two? I’m sure you’re completely lost so I’ll explain, but yeah it’s gonna sound stupid.

Harry Potter and Lord Of The Rings. I don’t get it. People compare them. They say if you like one you can’t like the other. There seems to be a rivalry between the “die hard” fans of both. But then a lot of them don’t seem to have given the other a try.

They are totally different so why compare them? I think its just coz of the fact that both were books made into movies. But the similarities pretty much end there. Oh apart from like the evil “dark lord” trying to take over the world and the “little person” who has to stop him.
Surely they’re different and should be taken on their own merit. That’s what should happen. That’s what should happen in life too but it doesn’t.

I’ve never understood that. I’m me do I have to be put into a category? Does everyone else? Surely they’re just them. Just a person. Why do we need all of the categorization?

People on the whole seem to make snap judgments on things, they judge the book by its cover as it were. Why don’t they read a little before they decide? But they don’t. people put you into a box. They put you with all the other people who are “like you”. But they’re not really.

We are supposed to live in an individualist culture. But we don’t really do we? We live in a place where you have to fit into a certain group. And if you don’t then you’re labeled a freak. So even then you’re in a group. We don't seem to value individuality like we should do.

Recently one of my friends MSN name was “remember you’re an individual- just like everyone else”. But are we? Do we really have the ability to be individuals?

Everyone conforms. That’s what Helen told us anyway. We conform to the situation, to the group. And that’s been proven. Asch (I think that’s how you spell his name) did an experiment. He proved it was right. The person always ended up saying what the rest of the group said, even when they knew the rest of the group was wrong, they said the same. I suppose so that they didn’t look stupid. But then in the end when you think about it they did.

So are we just like everyone else? Are we really not our own person? Are we all just playing a part just to fit into a group? Most would say no. But I’m sure that if they really thought about it they were.
I do it and I’m not about to say that I don’t coz I know I do. Its like there are different me’s and none of them are really real. This may sound really stupid but its how I feel sometimes.
I play the role that the situation wants me to, that the group wants me to.

At work I’m “trouble”. They say I’m always up to mischief I’m not and they know that but yeah. A lot of the older ones seem to like me coz I’m not really like the other “young one” who probably try to ignore them, who wouldn’t know who they were if they were asked. And I get on with the young ones coz I am one I suppose.

To my old school friends and “Warminster bummies” I’m Nutti (with an I not a y) I’m crazy, smart, kind and all that crap. I’m also quiet. I have little confidence in myself. I’m not the person that I am now, really I’m the “old” me. The me I’d be now if I hadn’t left if I hadn’t gone to college.

Which brings me to Numni. “a name founded from a verbal error as she trained to be a carer” I’m always Numni now, I call myself it. Numni is more confident. Numni is what I am now I suppose. But does she really exist? That’s another question I’ve been asking myself recently. Is Numni real? Is she just an act? My public persona.

Lora recently said that I always smile, that I never seem upset or angry or anything. That’s coz I’m hiding all that.

I’ve never been able to express m emotions to other people not really. Every time I come close to crying I stop myself or I move away from the situation. I think its coz I don’t want people to see me cry. If they see that I’m anything but bright and bubbly, that would ruin the illusion the façade. I won’t be what the group wants.

I think I’m so used to conforming to different groups that I’m not sure who I am. Or what I want to do. I still don’t really know. I don’t think I’m ready to go into work straight away, but I don’t think I could handle any more education. I’m so bad at making decisions, I think it’s coz I’m so used to going along with what everyone else wants, even if it means ignoring my own instincts.

I’m gonna stop babbling now and get on with some work, if I could write this much in my work that would be an achievement.

Ok sorry if this was confusing, but I had to get it out.