Top of the list

Work wasn't as bad I thought it would be considering I didn't want to be there. It went quite quickly dispite the fact that me and Sam were together and things always go slow when we're together on checkouts.

When I went in there were loads of Fromie people in. But they all disappeared. It got quite busy at times but not overly busy.

Quote of the day from Kevin, "I am intellegent." That was soo funny. I just busrtout laughing. Me and Ally were there sat in the canteen in hysterics and Kevin threw a paper cup at me. Even though Ally was laughing too.

When I was back up after my break Kevin was running. I was talking to Sam about stuff and he came and banged on my checkout and told me to turn around. The customer that had just arrived at my checkout told him to stop being mean. lol. I told her that he was always mean to me and picked on me so I was used to it. He came back and said that he wan't being mean and that I should be talking to my customer and Sma should be talking to hers.

The customer wanted to know about cool bags and so I called him back and he ripped the packet open and talked aload of crap to make it seem like he knew what he was talking about. He then told her that she could have a pound off them. I was like "Yeah coz you opened them" Then told him that he had a pretty shirt, which was true it was another lilac one. I like lilac. He was like oh thank you. Erm I siad pretty, pretty=girly.

Later when me and Katie were doing put backs we were following him and he told me that I got him into trouble, not sure how, but apparently I did. So now I'm the top of his "list" I don't know what it's a list of but I'm at the top. I was at the start but someone over took me but now I'm at the top.

I'm not covering Kats shift tomorrow. I din't exactly say no. I was going to do it but then she talked to Katie and shes going to do it now so whoo all of tomorrow off. When Kat came and asked me I was serving this woman and she was like "I'm proud of you for saying no, I wouldn't have been able to" I was like "Thanks I think".

So yeah I'm top of the list of someone with a "pretty" shirt. I have achieved something.

Work

I have work in and hour and I really don't want to go. I really don't want to go, I suppose it's coz I can't be bothered. I know that once I get there I'll be ok. It's just the fact that I've had the morning off and so I guess it's kinda going to ruin that.

Kat rang me yesterday and asked I'd work tomorrow night for her, she wasn't sure if she would need me to but I was like yeah I would but now I'm not so sure. It's only five hours but I'd be starting at five and after having the rest of the day off. I dunno I don't think I will do it if she does.

I dunno. I just don't like saying no.

Anyhoo I get paid nest week yay. Who wants to come and spend some money with me???

Longleat part 2

As promised updating about yesterday. Went to Longleat with the gang (sorry can't be bothered to write all your names, you know who you are anyhoo)

Went in the safari park with Kelly, Jo and the kids. Was good I haven't been in the safari park for years, not since Laura was ickle. Went through the monkey bit. the cars in front were being wrecked, but Kels car was ok.



Went round and took like nearly 100 pics. Not really sure how.

Met back up with Lora and Pete ate some over priced burgers and then went in the house. You can't take any pictures in the house which was a bugger would have been goodin some places. There were some assy staff in there one woman told Taylor to keep hims hands in his pokets and when he said he didn't have any told him to keep his hands behind his back. Bitch.

We did take a pic out side though. Well got Pete to take one. Or two. On each camera, poor guy.



Erm Went in to mirror maze and Old Joes mine. Lora, Jo and Pete went on the motion simulator. Me, Jo, Kelly and the kids went on the train where I took more pics of random stuff like trees and the water fall thing oo and those cut out things that are in one of the fields and stuff.

We went to the last parrot show of the day. That was good. Took quite a few pics of that too.



Went the boat, I didn't feed the sealions coz that would have meant touching icky fish..... erm no. I just took a load of pics ofthe sea lions which ended up being of the water. lol oh well.
I had a really good day really. It did cost alot but it was worth it really.

Longleat pics

Longleat

Erm today we went to Longleat for DCE leaving do. Umm I'm kinda tired and my head is fuzzy so I'm going to write about it properly in the morning. I'm just trying to upload my million and one pics from today onto photobucket. Not really having much luck.

5 Favourite Things

5 favourite things to do when you're alone
1. Read
2. Watch films
3. Listen to music
4. Sleep
5. Paint stuff on the walls (while doinf 2/3)

5 people you've seen this week
1. Lora
2. Kelly K
3. Kim
4. My family
5. ASDA people

5 people you've actually met who you find attractive
1. Pizza Hut guy 1
2. Pizza Hut guy 2 (haha I have 2)
3. Nick
4. Pete
5. Adam

5 bands/singers/groups you like
1. Coldplay
2. Natasha Bedingfield
3. Destinys Child
4. Joss Stone
5. Pink

5 movies you've seen {and happen to own}
1. Lord of the Rings ( <3 all three)
2. Moulin Rogue
3. Bring It On
4. X Men
5. Mona Lisa's Smile

5 things you hate
1. Not being appreciated
2. Not knowing stuff
3. Being unhappy
4. People knowing I'm not happy
5. Letting people down

5 things you love
1. New books
2. Music
3. Buying stuff
4. Spending time with my friends
5. Taking pictures of random stuff

5 favourite foods
1. Pizza with mushrooms on
2. Melon
3. Dream topping (ok not entirely a food)
4. Chicken stir fry
5. Pasta

5 favourite drinks
1. Ribena
2. Fanta fruit twist
3. Apple juice
4. Banana milkshake
5. Wine

5 TV shows you love
1. Scrubs
2. Popular
3. Will and Grace
4. Without a Trace
5. SG1

5 things you want to do before you die
1. Travel
2. Be absolutely content with myself and my life
3. Erm I'm not sure, there's something I'm not sure if I want but anyhoo......

5 songs you love, rightnow.
1. All of X&Y
2. I bruise Easily- Natasha Bedingfield
3. Crazy Chick- Charlotte Church
4. I Love You Baby- by someone
5. The Lady Is a Vamp- Spice Girls

5 things you can't do you wish you could
1. Sing
2. Draw or paint or something
3. Do whatever I want
4. Express myself completely and honestly
5. Not worry about what others think

5 things that make you feel sad
1. The end
2. Random stuff
3. Other peoples sadness
4. Serious stuff, I don't do serious, I get upset
5. Losing people

5 people you hate
1. I don't really hate anyone, there are people that I dislike at time but I don't really hate anyone.

5 favourite places to shop
1. New Look
2. Mk one
3. Any book shop, normally Ottikars or Waterstones
4. ASDA (lol)
5. catalogues

5 favourite places to eat
1. The pond
2. The park
3. Centre Parcs
4. Sat on the floor
5. The pub

1 person you believe in
1. My Mum

Idiot Strikes Again.

I'm supposed to be having some time off. But when I get asked something I say yes. I agree.

I went into ASDA and asked Jane when I was working next week and she goes monday 1-8. then asked if I wanted some more. Erm I dunno. She says that if I want some I need to decide now because otherwise it'll be gone. I was like ok then.

When they talk about the overtime it sounds so little but when it's all together it's alot.

I'm working:

• Monday: 1-8
• Wednesday: 8-2
• Thursday: 4-9
• Friday: 2-6

That's 22 hour's overtime all together. That's about what I did this month. I suppose it's just something that I'm going to have to get used to when I get a "proper job", but then I am supposed to be having a break so I dunno.

At least I get Tuesday off.

Crazy Chick

I think I'm gonna need some therapy
Oh babe I hope you've got a PHD
Won't you let me on your leather couch
I've got a lot I need to talk about

I think I'm crazy
Think I'm stupid
Must have lost my mind
Wonder what I'm thinking lovin' you
'Cause boy if you were mine
I'd really go insane
You'd be my favourite thingI'd go balistic
Yea, your making me a crazy chick

You're driving me, to insanity,
All the things you do
You make me come unglued
I just can't help myself,
I need professional help,
helpI need professional help

You've really done this time
You know your twisting my mind
You got me acting like a whacked out chick
So I won't be responsible
'Cause I'm really not logical
No I won't be to blame
You know I'm really not sane

I think I'm crazy
Think I'm stupid
Must have lost my mind
Wonder what I'm thinking lovin' you
'Cause boy if you were mine
I'd really go insane
You'd be my favourite thing
I'd go balistic
Yea, your making me a crazy chick

You're driving me, to insanity,
All the things you do
You make me come unglued I
just can't help myself,
I need professional help, help
Can't get you outta my head
so let me just confess
All these kisses baby for you loveYou drive me crazy
I can't get enough

I think I'm crazy
Think I'm stupid
Must have lost my mind
Wonder what I'm thinking lovin' you
'Cause boy if you were mine
I'd really go insane
You'd be my favourite thing
I'd go balistic
Yea, your making me a crazy chick
You're driving me, to insanity,
All the things you do
You make me come unglued
I just can't help myself,
I need professional help, help

This is my song according to becky, well except the fact that she said they should change it to psychopathic chick. It's song of the week on ASDA radio which means that it'll get played loads over the next week. I quite like it though. But I'm not crazy.

Make a face

Everyone seems to make faces at me at work. I really don't know why though. It seems to of spread like some illness. They all do it. The pull faces when they see me, when they walk past.

They all pick on me too. Well it's messing around but yeah. They strangle me and poke me with keys and throw stuff at me. They call me names.

I wouldn't change it though it makes it fun. We mess around if we didn't then we'd all be miserable, well........ some people are but they don't do the messing around.

Today at work was Ok. Becky and Caroline bothe threatened to ignore me when I beeped, that was abit mean I think. Becky kept letting my chair down, argh that is so annoying. And I ended up being the only person on express. Which meant that I had to do all the work and had no one to talk to.

Kevin was wearing a pretty shirt today. It was a really nioce shade of lilac. It's actually the colour that I think I want for my bedroom. I told Lesley and she asked Kevin if I could have it. Lydia twisted it and said that I wanted Pete and Kevin at the same time. Erm no.

By Thursday I will have done 36 hours overtime this month. Thats alot really I've got Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday off this week so I can have a break and stuff which is good except Barbra said that I would probably end up ill, coz I've been on the go and then I'm going to relax. I dunno. Hopefully not.

The thing I stole from Jo

Your Extroversion Profile:

Activity Level: High

Friendliness: High

Cheerfulness: Medium

Excitement Seeking: Medium

Sociability: Medium

Assertiveness: Low

It's sad really.........

I went to pick up my stuff this morning, no one was really there. I saw Lora but she had to work with Glynis to finish what she needed to do. In the room was Stacy, Limara and Kelly S. Everything felt empty, some people had been and left already, most of the stuff had been taken down.

All my stuff fitted into a box and a bag. Two years of my life and really I haven't got that much to show for it, ok there are other things but nothing physical (unless you count the hundreds of pics from the last couple of months). It's sad really. It was quite depressing standing thare clearing away my stuff.

I was just there thinking this is it.

This is the end.

I never need to come here again.

Taken from behind

Some people are soo immature.

Like Pete for instance. Just because I asked for bagging up bags yesterday like twice doesn't mean that he has to throw 33 at me today. I mean I needed all of those yesterday there was alot of money. But seriously 33 that's taking it abit far. Annnd he made me go and get lost in the warehouse. I was helping Kat and he goes "seeing as you're not doing anything you can come here". Nick wanted someone to take some boxes off of the shop floor. So I had to go and get a trolley thing and collect the boxes and take them down in the lift that brakes down all the time. And get lost coz I don't know my way around the warehouse.

And Lydia. She turned some completely innocent messing around into a totally perverted thing which got worse with every telling. But to understand you have to know the whole story.

It started off with me and Pete messing around as usual passing silly mean comments between us. Then one time he decides to take the "position closed" belt thingys that goes between the checkouts and wrapped it around my neck saying that that would shut me up. Fine your mean I knew that anyways.

After he went Lydia was like "I think theres something going on there" Erm no. We were messing around incase you hadn't noticed I mess around with most people. Awhile later I was talking to Sue and he comes along says "Is she being a pain again?" " Yeah" "This is how you shut her up" and he stranggled me again. Pete and Sue found it funny I didn't.

Went down stairs for lunch and Lydias down there along with Racheal and Sue. Then Kirsty comes down. We were there talking and Lydia says "I've been absorbed in the love story all morning" Kirsty went "What love story?"

I told her Lydia was being stupid. But then Lydia goes into the story about how Pete stranggled me. Then Sue adds she didn't even struggle when the second time. It soon turned into "Pete took Naomi from behind twice and she didn't stuggle. And Sue, Kat and Lydia were all watching" Erm no not quite.

Then I told them about Lydia's "thing" for cuecumbers and holding them. Then Kisrty said about all the things you could do with a cuecumber which she heard for me, that I heard from Sue, that Sue heard from Racheal.

The afternoon dragged quite abit and Lydia wouldn't let it drop. And then she told Kat and she said that "Pete is obviously cheating on her because he got Lizzie pregnant" Erm Okkkkkkkk. An I'm the strange one. I ended up doing baskets coz I was so bored and that meant that I could go and annoy people too. Kat agreed to do my shift on 16th July, which means that I have a whiole weekend off.

At four Kirsty came over with Becky and they decided to annoy me. Kirsty told Becky what Lydia had said and Becky was like "where?" and Kirsty told her on "this till". So yeah them I was called naughty. They kept lowering my chair and they shut my till when I was bagging up so that I had to keep calling Pete over to open it again. Then I gave Kirsty a piggy back around the checkouts.

I still don't know exactly what I'm working next week. Kevin has lost the rotas. He took them home and apparently gave them to Lizzie but no one can find the so yeah. But I do know that I've been roped into working tomorrow 2-8. Which is ok coz it means that I still get the morning off evcen though I have to go to college to get all my crap. Although Pete did ask me if I wanted to do 8-2 in kiosk so that he didn't have to. I told him I couldn't coz I'm not kiosk trained so I wouldn't know what I'm doing. He told me it would be like the rest of the time. I told him to go do some work for once.

It's not too bad though, I kinda need the money for my "break". I know I'll still be working but I can work more and I'm going to need more money and stuff. I still not sure what I'm going to be doing in the next few months. I was talking to Simon about it last night. I think that I'm taking a gap year, maybe two. I mean I going to end up going to uni it's always been part of the plan. I've never known what I'd be doing but I knew I'd be going. I need time though. Time to decide plus I don't think I'm ready to go yet.

Anyhoo I've probably ramble for too long about absolute crap which I'm sure no one finds interesting. But hey that's what's happened to me today so there you go.

People I know.

Today I saw loads of people that I know in ASDA today. It was really busy, I think they just all came shopping to make me actually do some work.

I saw:

• Glynis
• Sharon
• Lynn
• The lady from the shop at coll
• Sophie and her mum
• Ella and her mum
• Kaysha and her mum
• Shelly

So yeah I never normally see that many people I know but everyone decided that they wanted to go to ASDA. Idiots.

And I can't find out what hours I'm doing next week until monday coz Kevin decided to take the rotas home.

Pete was mean to me today. He was chucking stuff at me and making stupid noises. I told him he was being mean and then he goes "You know I love you, like a whole in the head" Mean. Then me and my mum went in after I finished and she was just stood there talking to Pete and Amanda and then blames me. The cheek. I wasn't the one talking.

Glynis asked me if I'd found a job yet. Erm no. I haven't looked, I'm taking a break I don't know how long it's going to be but I'm taking one.

spending and goodbyes

Today I went and put my display up at college. It looks ok, not great but it'll do. We got all our assignments back and stuff. My unit 11 had been upgraded after all. Ok so its not going to give me a better grade overall but I still got it. All the teachers were stressy. Don't know why.

We ate our cheese cake and squirty cream after going and stealing sporks. The lady didn't know what Kelly was talking about.

Kelly gave me and Jo a lift to town when we had finished. Everything seemed so anticlimatic. We said good bye as we went out the door. It's strange I'm not going to see most of them again. All that happened was a quick goodbye as we went out the door. I mean some of them I couldn't care less really. But they have been apart of my life, granted not a big one, but still they have been there and now they're not gonna be.

Another thing that's strange is the lack of sadness on my part. When I left school I cried loads. Before we left I cried most nights because I would be loosing all those people. I cried before we even left. I didn't cry in the last day though which is odd. Anyway. I haven't cried at the thought of leaving college. Is that because I've grown up or because it meant less to me, the people meant less. I know the latter isn't totally true. I care so much about some of them and I don't want to loose them. I hope I won't. Also I've said that college was the best thing that I've done. I've grown so much through it, I've gained confidence in myself. I've changed in the last two years in the last couple of months and those have been good changes (I hope)

So now to the future, What the fuck am I supposed to do? I really don't know. Kerry's got a job already. I haven't even bothered to look. I'm going to take some time out. I need some. I have been on the go almost constantly for the last few months. I barely ever get a day off. Next week I've got monday, Tuesday, Wednesday totally off at least. I don't know what I want to do and I need time to eveluate my options. My parents are fine with that. They know that I'll do what I think is best and respect it.

The only thing is I don't think I know what is best.

Went shopping with Jo. Bought a top and a skirt. I bought another curtain and a cushion. Went into ASDA twice. When Jo left I had some time before the bus and I bought some jeans and a belt. i really should save some money though.

Went to work and actually worked for once. I also broke lots of stuff. Well I didn't the customers did but it was on my till.

I'm a little lost now.

"The end of all things"

Today was our last official day at college there is no more. We have to do our displays tomorrow but other than that we've finished. We are grown up professionals who can go out into the real world and get jobs and stuff. But really in truth not many of us have really looked. I know I haven't I suppose doing that would mean that I'd finished that it was over. But now I suppose we can't escape that.

Today we had the first aid exam. We had the question paper thing in the morning. It was quite funny coz me, Jo, Lora and Kelly were all sat at the table together and Jo saw the first few answers so we got those right and then we were there talking and asking each other what the answers were. Somehow we didn't all get the same though. I got 19, I rule.

We went to the pond again at lunch. I love it there. Ok so most people would think that a rancid swamp wouldn't be the best of places to spend time but it's great we sat there taking pictures and stuff. We got the lady from the LRC to take a group piccy of all of us.



I abosolutely love this pic. It's so cool. I love it.

Ooooo and there was anothe feet picture. i don't know why but the feet picyures silly as they are are special. Not many people take pictures of each others feet but that's what we do. It's an us thing.



We had the practical exam in the afternoon. I passed we all did. They had the certificates printed and everything before we went in. Me Lora and Kelly played "face hockey" with Kellys face. I didn't mess up my CPR like I did in the morning and it went Okish.

Went to work. was on three tills in 2 hours. At seven I asked Anita if someone was coming to take me off and she was like "what?" she checked the rota and goes "I forgot you were leaving at 7 and I could actually really do with you". It was really busy when I finished and as I walked out of the doors I heard a passiom for service call over the tanoy. I always feel guilty if they come on and I'm in the store.

Anyhoo, Went to my uncles and had a barbecue. I didn't want to be there and was just generally bad company. We didn't stay long though so that was good.

And now I'm trying to upload all of my million and one pics to photo bucket.

Poking..............

Poking is dangerous but oh so fun. Jo was poking me with a spork today so I poked her back.

I was poking Anita too today. With the "next customer please" thingy's. Lol

And I poked Anette.

And lydia.

Poking is fun.

But it can be annoying if your the one being poked.

Also when poking someone you need to say "poke" because otherwise that just ain't poking.

Numni's not crazy..............

First aid today (suprise suprise) spent the morning doing stuff (I can't actually remember what we did)

Went in and Patrick said "Your hair looks different Numni" Really?? well that was the general point. So yeah alot of hair stuff today. People talking about it, people playing with it (Kelly) and people telling me I look younger (10 years to be prisise, that's what Nila said anyways :/)

We ate lunch by the pond again. That was nice. I love it when we do that. It's just us tucked away in a little corner. It's kinda depressing to think that that's all gonna end soon. A lady today at work told me that you take your friends with you and I hope I do. I don't want to of spent the last 2 years (especially the last few months) with these people that I have grown to really care about (especially you three) I don't want to loose that. We even broke into song, as you do. It was soo fun. We were singing "I love you baby" and none of us were really sure about the words really and so we were singing different words and stuff. lol

The afternoon was spent saton the floor talking and singing to ourselves (and Lora did some comics) Sue and Jenny didn't seem to mind though which was kind strange coz we really weren't listening. Jo was being mean :P she was singing "Numni is crazy" to the tune of "I love you baby" she made up a song to go with it but my song is better.

numnis not crazy,
and jo is not right,
numni's not crazy,
she doesn't dance in the night,
numnis not crazy,
trust in me when i say.

See better. It's the bestest. I got lots of people to tell Jo that on MSN (ok it was just me using different colours) but she wouldn't believe me. Oh and we need to make them up for other people. Me and Jo write the music, Lora draws and Kelly does the driving.

I went to work tonight. Once again it was overly hot. I went on four tills in three hours which is pretty good. I had the last customer tonight. Well last customers people were still coming in at 8 which isn't allowed coz we close then.

I had the most awkward and dun customers. They were a pain in the neck but they were great fun. They're going to Glastonbury this weekend so they were buying stuff for that and they had 5 different lots of shopping. One lot they paid for together which meant paying for it on three separate cards. It was so funny. They were there appologising for being awkward and I was there laughjing coz they weren't really sure what they were doing coz they kept changing their minds about what they needed and what they didn't.

Oh I was talking to some woman I was serving and I don't know how we got on to it but we started to talk about what I was doing and going to do life wise. And she was like "don't waste it, ther are so many children out there who need care". I said "I'd like to do something worth while" and she goes "what about social work" Then I explined about the whole "maturity" thing and she goes "You seem pretty mature to me" Hehe I'm mature.

So yeah, that was my day.

Niceness

The weather that we've been having is nice. Well apparently. I think it's way too hot and that theres not enough breeze or snow. I like snow.

Hair Straightening- An Illustrated Guide.

Today after college I went and got some hair straightening stuff. It really needed doing. I got out of the shower the other day and I looked in the mirror and all i saw was the little ringlets forming like they used to be. I know it's really superficial, but yeah my hair goes frizzy and stuff.

I have wondered about the whole Samson thing where he lost all his strengh when his hair was chopped off, well maybe all my brainyness came from curls, now that I've gone totallt straight (well most of the time anyways) I seem less brainy, less motivated. That probably sounds stupid. But yeah I don't care it makes sense to me. I've changed as my hair has.

So yeah. This is my hair before I started..........



Then we put the stuff on......................



You need to leave it on for about half an hour for hair like mine, it smells icky so you have to kinda hold your nose and stuff. If it starts burning your scalp then you need to rinse it right away and then put a funny bandage on it. Like this.............



So then you rinse it out and use the shampoo which turn pink if theres stuff still in your hair. When the foam is white you know youv'e got it all out, cleaver isn't it? Then you put on the conditioner stuff and rinse.

Which leaves your hair wet (no shit).............



Then you blow dry your hair which is the part that I hate coz my hair always goes frizzy and that's not good. It doesn't matter what heat protector non-frizz stuff I use it frizzes and feels horrible, even at the hairdressers. Seeee..................



Ok so that was kinda my mum blowing the hairdryer from the back. Lol. But yeah today it went Ok actually, it felt like a pile of crap but it looked ok......



So yeash I always have to straighten it coz that flattens it and makes it shiney coz my straighteners are pretty good (then again they have to be to tame my frizz) and so you are left with the end product, straight root-free hair. Yay. You can't do it again for six weeks or dye it for a week.......



So yeah there is the story of my hair. Told through picture for all those who can't read, or just like pics and stuff. I know there are more interesting pics that I could put up but my hairs great tooooo. Well maybe.

I think I'm happy.

I do. I think for the first time in ages I am truly happy with things in my life.

The only problem is that stuff is gonna change. I don't like change. I always become like uber happy before stuff ends. Not because the thing is ending but because I am content.

Today We were sat by the pond and I was like I really want to be able to stop time or something, I don't want things to change.

I can be happy for the next three days at least. Before I have to think about the change.

Nothing much at all.

I don't really have much to say today. We had first aid. Was hot and boring.

Went to ASDA me and Kevin talked again, he's making a habit of being nice. I'm scared.

Sorted out one of the draws under my bed. Found the Disney Land brochure (prices alot more expensive in there) and my squiggle drawing which I can put on my display.

That's about it really.

Oh an Lora took this weird picture.

You loose.

I've just spent the last hour being watched through my bedroom window. Now most people would have shut the window and drawn the curtains. But I know that's exactly what they wanted me to do, so I played their little game.

I was sat on my bed doing nothing in particular and I got up thinking "I'll go down stairs and write my blog" (one track mind). I got up and low and behold there is Grant stood on the top of their slide looking up at my window. Yep he's 11. Kinda pervy really isn't it. So anyways he told Janine that I was there. So I thought fuck this I'm gonna play this.

I just went around and tidied my room (so yeah it's tidy now) It wasn't like that messy but now it's like super tidy. I sorted out all my CD's and book's and stuff and just generally farted around. At one point I pu on my new top and was talking to my mum about my boobs and stuff. If they're gonna watch let's give them something interesting. Yeah, so I spent an hour tidying and sorting. I knew they were watching so I wasn't going to give in. Eventually they went in. I suppose they got bored.

Ha I win. It may seem petty and silly but after what's gone on it's real. They tried to get to me, to get me to give up but I didn't. I won. I feel so good at the moment. I'm slightly hypo. Well alot. More than usual anyways.

Anyhoo I've decided that I'm gonna go into work and be all quiet and stuff. Hehe no one thinks that it's possible. At the moment I'm working 5-8 on Wednesday and 5-7 on Thursday. The thing is Anita could only fill in the times on the sheet, coz the managers (Kevin) are getting all arsey about overtime being authorised and stuff so yeah. I'm gonna be quiet.

It's never going to happen.

Today was quite busy at work. Nothing really happened. Me and Teresa decided that we were gonna put in a petition for ice lollies and fans and different tops (coz ours don't like the heat) i don't think it's gonna happen but yeah it would be nice. All we got given was cups of water every once in a while and b the time you got to drink them they were warm. So yeah not great.

Randomness

It was Ollies last day today. It's going to be sooo weird without him. He did announcements like every five minutes today, I think he was trying to make up for the fact that he wouldn't be able to dod them again.

Anyhoo, I didn't go out tonight. Ollie text me and said that he was tired so we're all gonna go out in a couple of weeks or something. I don't really mind not sure if I would have felt up to it tonight.

Achievement of the month- leaving work on time. I know, it's amazing. I haven't left at six on a Saturday for over a month. Pete asked me if I was OK at about 5.35 and I go "No I'm hot" He then goes "But you finish soon" Pauses and says "at seven". He walked off before I could say anything. He came back and I asked him if he did actually need me and he said no. Score. I finish on time!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I went and bought some skinny cows coz someone keeps going on about them. :P

Oh and me and Kevin had yet another civilised converation. I was down stairs at lunchtime (or 2:15) and he said hello and asked how I was. I was like wtf, a week ago he barely talked to me even if he needed to and now he's talking to me first.

Came home was hot. Did nothing. Yeah that about sums it up. Next week we're at college everyday I think. I need sometime off, I need have my hair straightened. My dad noticed that it was going curly at the roots so thats the time when you know it's bad. But then that can wait. I don't want the end to come. I would be quite happy to spend forever with things the way they are. Most people would think that I was crazy for saying that, but I'm not. I'm just happy with the way things are at the moment and I don't want that to change.

Confusedness.

I'm happy. I think. It's weird, I have nothing to do. I'm more confused than when I had stuff to do.

When I came home Wednesday night I was just like "What am I going to do?" I am soo used to having something to do, something to worry about but there was nothing. I was lost. What's going to happen next week when everything is finished. I still haven't found a job. Ok I haven't even looked, I suppose it's coz I don't want one that's "normal", I don't want to be stuck in some boring 9-5 that I hate.

Glynis says go for the job that you can get first and then go for the job that you want. Ha that's relativelt amusing. I don't know what I want. I've put off deciding because I always think that I have more time. More time. But I think it's finally dawned on me that I don't. I have 4/5 days left at college and then I will be a "nursery nurse" I shall have letters after my name. I forgot Sharon told us that, until yesterday when my mum said about it.

I don't know what I want to do. Glynis said that I should get a job straight away, that if I don't it'll be harder to do. But I don't think it will. Zoe didn't apply to SeeSaw until September. She wanted to have one last summer and I suppose I do too. Add to that the fact that I'm not sure that I'm ready to be "out there" in the "real world". It scares me. It means that I'm a grown up that I have proper responsibilities. That I have to leave stuff behind.

"I wanna do something I've never done, dip my toes beneath the surface of a sea that I've never seen the bottom of"

I do. I want to dod something completely different. Something no one else in the family has done. Well I know that won't be amazingly difficult, but yeah. I want to travel. I think that's the one thing that I definately want to do. I want to go palces I've never been (as long as they speak english) I want to do stuff I've never done. I want so much.

I dunno, I think I've blabbed on too much. I'm gonna shut up now.

New stuff

Um yeah Numni has spent loads of money over the last couple of days.

I've bought..............................



Two tops and a skirt. But technically my dad bought the skirt. I bought the pink top for Saturday. And the brown one because I like it and it would go with my skirt.



Three bags and flip flops. OK the bags were cheap. I don't have a problem...... Honest.



And when I went into ASDA today I finally bought a Sherbert bear. Kirsty and Katie aren't gonna like me for trhat but he's our bear that we play with on Sunday's. So yeah that why I had to buy him.

I also bought six pairs of "plain" socks, an umbrella, a book, a video and a CD.

I went to college today. Even though I didn't need to. I spent the day doing nothing. Sereously. The most I did was check movie release dates and prices for Longleat, Bristol zoo and Disneyland. I could have been in bed. But sereously I think I distracted more than I helped. Sorry.

Weirdo guy.

Lol it was soo funny. We were in the LRC today and this guy just pops his head over the filing cabinet and says "Have any of you got any moisturiser?"

Erm yar. "I've got sunburn and it's started to peel" Yeah so none of us had any but theres the display up here with loads of lotions and stuff. But Sharon came up the other day and took aload f it and so there was just shampoo baby bath and nappy rash stuff.

Lora gave him the nappy rash stuff. lol. Then we hear a cry of "It's got nuggety things in" Hmmmm. Lmao. Then he comes back and goes "Thanks for that" Yep lot's of nuggety goodness.

The end and stuff.

Today.... Today alot has happened really. Big things not so big things. Really silly things that aren't really important but I'll still talk about. You know I talk crap.

So heres my day.......

Got up and stuff. Finished doing my CV and filled in my application form. Went to ASDA. Kirsty's back. She's been on holiday. When she saw me she waved and then screamed. Ok I did too, but then we are always really immature when we're together. She hugged me and we got all excited. The customer must have thought what a couple of weirdo's. Lol tis true though.

Went to college and got soaked. Had my interview. Marge gave me the job, but then she gave it to everyone. Lost Lora for an hour. Lol though Marge had eaten her or something.

Finished my unit 8 and gave it in to Lynn. Sharon marked my unit 2 and passed the portfolio at a D grade and signed off my last PER's without actually looking at them. Yay I finished and I even did my communications portfolio. Whoo I finished. But for some perculiar reason I'm going in on Friday even though I have no work. But then I think we're going to the pub. Maybe I'll go get my hair done instead of going to the lesson. I want my hair cut. But I want to grow it. Ok to be honest I don't know what I want.

Not sure about tomorrow. Lynn keeps asking me if I'm going and has kept a place open for me. The DCE are supposed to be going to Salisbury to watch Sin City. And my mum has asked me if I want to go to Yeovil with her and my dad. So yeah I'm not sure. Bowling pretty ,much a no. I don't think I really want to spend however long in a car with weirdo's. Salisbury I want to go to. Also want to go to Yeovil, I'd actually be able to spend some quality time with parents and go shopping. I dunno I'll decide in the morning.

Ooooo and Lynn hugged me today. I'm not sure if I'm scared about that or not. Um yeah probably actually. I told her that I'd done all my work and she held out her hand and then goes "no" and hugs me. : / Yeah so slightly wierd.

Jess asked if I'd booked my driving test yet. Lmao, she knows that I haven't even started yet.

Went into ASDA Pette was actually doing work. My mum asked him about offering me a cigarette. He was like "no I didn't" I was like "yes you did" But he kept saying no, then my mum walked off and I go "I vaguely remember you offering me one" What an idiot, I meant to say distinctly or something like that and he made fun of me and then goes "yeah I did" Hahaha I was right I rule. Then Kevin came along and I ran away.

So yeah It's probably the unimportant things that stick in my head more than the important ones. Like I can rememer everything that happened when I was in ASDA but not what happened during my interview. Strange.

Ooooo and Ollie is leaving on Saturday. It is going to be sooo weird without him. I think that just about everyone is going to miss him really.

Over and done

I've finished.

Everything.

ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!

We're going on a road trip. Not entirely sure where but we are. lol. Maybe Sweden, because they speak English there and Lora can speak Swedish. But yeah road trip!!!

Went to college in the afternoon not much happened. Got my curriculum plan back it refered. But I added the stuff so now that's an E. My baby one will hopefully pass and so that me done with unit 2 and I should get a D. Not great but I don't really care.

Went to work. Jane was picking on me : ( She said she wouldn't have come in if she knew I was gonna be there and then she turned the lights out in the locker room. So it was dark and I couldn't find the light switch or the door.

It was soo funny. Amanda was serving this guy and he wanted alcohol. She asked him for ID coz really he didn't look old enough. He got all mouthy and goes "I'm 22. I've come in here every night for the past week and got served" Amanda was like "but I asked you for ID I don't think your old enough". Then he goes "This is stupid I want to see a manager" Then Amanda goes "I am a manager". I was there just trying to keep a straight face. It was sooo funny. I'm laughing now.

Oh and then me and Anita were talking about melons. She had a water melon sticker stuck on her top and I asked if I could have it and she goes "No I need it. Keep your hands off my melons, they're not very big anyway." I burst out laughing it was really funny.

So yeah I'm not doing anymore over time this week....... Yet. But then I am going to ASDA shopping after college tomorrow. And I think Pete'll be there and he always stalks me when I'm there so yeah we'll see what happens then.

Painting by numbers..............

Tonight I was sat up in my room sorting stuff out in my room but I got bored so I decided to paint stuff.

I normally paint when I'm upset or angry and stuff. But when I paint its not on paper or a canvas. It's on my walls or on a piece of furniture that I don't like any more. Most of the things in my room have been customised. So yeah I haven't done it for a while. I haven't wanted to. But tonight I just got this impulsive urge to paint something so I did.



So yeah that's what I did for half and hour.

Nothing much happened today really. Nothing much happened at work, Shirley forgot it was my last day, nearly fell of a bike (mums fault) thats about it really.

I don't know why...

I'm crying again and I don't know why.

Uncertanties

Today at work I made notes for stuff to go in my blog. They're in my fleece pocket. My fleece is in my locker. So yeah that was worth it.

Today was dribby and drabby. sometimes really busy othertimes quiet. I was sat with Katie so when we were both quiet we would talk. About her birthday, about working, about being underappreciated. On the whole today went quite quickly. But it gave me time to think about things and I hate that.

Jo you weren't being silly at all. I think about that. I don't want to loose you guys you've become too important to me. (que sappy cheesy music) But yeah the last few months have been great for no particular reason than the fact that we have become close and stuff. But yeah I'm being I dunno but I am.

Ok and so to the mystery of today. I have cried on and off for the last two hours. Now normally I wouldn't even mention the fact that I've been crying, I don't ever. That would mean that I wasn't happy and if I'm not happy then that's wrong. The thing is I don't know why. I mean I've got nothing in particular to be sad about, everything is going pretty well at the moment. But I can't stop. I feel so silly. I haven't cried in months not really. Why now? I dunno just being silly.

It's my last day at Centre Parcs tomorrow. It's strange I've been there since I was 14. I've been there longer than alot of the people on the team. I guess I'm gonna miss it really. Sanity would have had me give it up when I started at ASDA but I didn't and I could never work out why. I mean I didn't need it. So yeah if anyone wants a job for the summer and stuff theres one there now. And you get to work with my mum.

Alot of nothing

Nothing much happened today. Erm work. Was on till 1 so that was crappy. Becky asked me to stay on till seven so I said yes.

At half 6 Becky asked me to do the other Becky's break. Seven came and went and Becky didn't come back. Kevin the goes "Can you stay till quater past" I was like OK. I mean he did kinda beg me after all.

Me and my mum were walking around afterwards and Kevin and me had a civilised converstaion. He thinks I'm loud and my mums like before she came here she wouldn't have said boo to a goose. I don't think he believed her really. We walked around abit more and then he comes up to us with some bread that was reduced trying to get us to buy it.

We were talking about the fact that the cupboards moved and she was like I dont like it I'm a customer the customer is always right. He then went "actually......" At which I walked off to go and pay. She comes back and says "he says that the customer isn't always right, only 99% of the time. I bet he wouldn't have said that if I wasn't your mum" Which is probably true. If she wasn't my mum she could walk around there without being harassed by a million people.

So yeah not alot.

Ps...................

I fell off a chair today in the LRC. Everyone thought it was funny. So did I but thats not the point. They didn't ask if I was Ok they just laughed. That was a bit mean. (There you go Jo)

Stuff, stuff and more stuff

Today was strange. There were five of us at collge today. Me, Jo, Lora, Kerry and Tara. It was a nice little group really. No one we dont really like. lol

This morning I realised that I had 13 B's in observations and you need 14 for a B overall. So this morning I worked on the C grade but got a bit stuck coz Glynis has got fussy and it wasn't how I normally did it. So yeah spent the morning trying to do that. Glynis told me to do it during the morning and then she'd mark it between 10:30 and 11. But yeah I got distracted and so I didn't get it done.

Lynn wanted to see me and Jo. That was quite scary Glynis came up and was like "Lynn wants to see you two so if you could go down there hand in hand and see her." So we went down. Lynn only wante dto give us our assignments so that was OK and then she goes to me "Are you Ok? You're not your usual bubbly self." I wasn't aware that I wasn't. Then she goes "If there was you would tell me wouldn't you?" No I wouldn't. To be fair I wouldn't talk to you if I had a problem. But then would I really talk to anyone? "Yeah I will."

Stayed at college during break and did nothing coz I left all my work in Lynns office and couldn't be bothered to go get it. So I did nothing. Huh Whats new? The "crew" went and ate our lunch by the "pond" That was nice. Me and Lora sat by the pond yeaterday morning eating pringles. It's a shame about all the litter and algae and stuff otherwise it would be a very nice place.

Oh yeah and we went to the toilet. Now normally I wouldn't mention this but this was funny. we were there and Lora took the toilet that Jo wanted (silly I know) so anyways we were there chatting away to each other and the there was a crash. Lora had broke something. It was really quite funny. Then we realised that there was actually someone in one of the other toilets. Lol. I think we may have scared her. Me and Jo started to sing the egg song and Jo turned the lights on and off. Then she goes " I shouldn't have done that the person might have had epilepsy"

In the afternoon I ended up being distracted for most of the time and then I was like "Oh shit I don't have that much time left I can't do a B grade in 15 minutes" Lynn had taken Lora away to talk to and When she came back Jo was being mean and said I couldn't listen until I did my work. Mean. Then everytime I stopped to think she pointed at me and said "work" but she just sat there and talked. Like she has no work to do. *sulks*

So anyways I guess I should thank Jo coz otherwise I wouldn't have got it done. I went down and gave it to Glynis, she was teaching first years. I went in and she was like "I'm gonna mark this now do you want to stay and get the grade." I was like no coz I don't like it but Kerry made me stay. We lost Jo and went in the toilets calling her. Lol.

Five minutes later Glynis came out and she looked all serious and stuff and I was just like Oh shit I failed that one I didn't get it. Then she goes "Well you could have done more" I was like Oh no. I just spent most of the day doing that and I may as well have not bothered. I could have spent the day doing nothing and just "settled" for a C. Then she goes that was one of the best C grades I've seen, you could have done half of what you did and still got the grade. Only Jess writes in this much detail. (huh? That suprised me.) I was like "so I passed?" and she was like "yes". Whoo I never have to worry about observations again (sorry guys not trying to rub it in)

Went to town with Jo and Kerry. I bought some new trainers.



There is a Jo inspired picture of my trainers.

Um went into ASDA. I bought the Coldplay album and Freaky Friday. It was soooo busy in there. But I managed to walk out without being asked to work. That time anyway.

Went and walked around for a while then decided that I wanted to get some stuff for stir fry coz Jo made me want some. So I went back into ASDA and Becky pounced upon me asking me to work and making me feel really guilty coz it was busy and she didn't have enough people. But I said I couldn't so I didn't and I don't feel guilty anymore.

Lol. And thak you to Lora for dedicating a bit of her blog to me. I feel so special.

Numni is rich.

I got my wage slip tonight when I went to work. And Numni is rich. Well for now anyways.

I got paid £426.41. Yes . Numni is amazing. I know I'll spend it but yeah it feels good anyways.

I get paid in two weeks from Centre Parcs too so thats like another £100. I really need to save some of it really. But me being me I have money so I'll spend it.

I'm working Tuesday now. Anita asked me to. So once again me being me I said yes. But I am not doing any other over time until then. Well I say that now but knowing my luck Pete will ask me to stay on on Saturday. And I know that if Pete asks me to stay I know that he needs help and that he's not just asking me. They need more staff on a Saturday night. But the stupid idiots aren't taking on until July so there is no one. So yeah I get asked eberytime coz I'm the only one stupid enough to say yes.

AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Argh I can't dothis. I can't focus. I'm getting distracted. See I'm doing this and I should be doing my work. OK I'm not the only one not doing stuff but yeah.

I have to do anti-d on my assignment and I hate that. That's what I've been failing all my observations on. But the Glynis is being picky at the moment so thats not entirely my fault.

I get paid tomorrow whoo. I'm going to go shopping and buy lots of stuff. Oooo and my stuff from the catalogue should be coming.

Anyhoo I'm babbling (what's new?) I'm gonna go do some work. Hhmmmm.

Shoulda, woulda, coulda.................

Shoulda done work yesterday.

Woulda done work if I wasn't distracted.

Coulda done something constructive.

That about sums up my day yesterday really. I had stuff to do. Not nessesarily work but other stuff, but I didn't I sat doing nothing.

Two years ago........

Two years ago I was pretty much in a similar situation to what I am now. Only this time I don't know what I am going to do. This time I am lost.

I didn't think that I would be in this position. But then I didn't think alot of things would happen then.

Two years ago I never would have thought that I'd be who I am. Or be doing what I'm doing.

I always thought that I knew everything. That my life was so clear cut. But I've finally taken off my rose tinted glasses and have seen whats going on. As much as I hate to admit it I'm fucked. Theres no other way I can put it. I don't know what I want to do. We finish college in a couple of weeks and I still don't know what I want to do. I'm gonna end up working for ASDA for the rest of my life. Not that that's not a bad thing I mean I love it there, it's just I can't stay there forever.

I know what I have to do I just don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I have the courage. I suppose I'm scared. I'm scared of putting myself out there. That I'll be rejected.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, rather the judgement that something is more important"

This may be true. But is it more important? I don't know.

I guess I just don't want to let go. The end of this course will mark my transition into the real world. The world where I'm a grown up and have to make decisions. Where I have to be responsible for things. I don't think I'm ready for that.

But I can't stop time so I just have to carry on with things. Put on my happy face and pretend that everything is Ok.

Peace of me.

Well I've spent the morning doing nothing. What a suprise. I woke up at like 10:30. No one was home. Yeah coz I can get to college now.

I've spent the morning on the computer trying to do my CV. Trying of course being the opperative work. I haven't got very far. I was listening to Natasha Bedingfields album. It's really good. I loove it.

Anyways. I was listening to one of the songs and I was like "thats me" It is so true.

"Fitting in 'cause I was driven
Saying yes when I meant no
Holding on, should've let go"

It's me. I think I've always tried to fit in. Just because. Because its easy. Well no it's not but ya know.

I can't say no. I always say yes. Look at all the over time I've done over the past week. I say yes so that I don't let people down. So that I can please them. Even if I know that maybe its not the best thing for me to do.

I hold onto everything. I realise this morning that I have too much junk I have nowhere to put anything. Seriously. I need storage. And lots of it. That is why my rooms a mess because I have nowhere to put everything. I keep stuff for the sake of keeping it not because I need it. I think I need to hold on to things. But I said this before.

I don't know. I can't do anything. Everything gets messed up in my head and I get distracted. To all the teachers and stuff I'm still a model student. They never seem to relise that I struggle they just assume that I'm fine.

I hate people who assume stuff. It pisses me off.

Oh and I've just remembered that I said fuck alot on Saturday. Oops

This has taken me half an hour to write.

Speechless

I don't really have much to say.

Went to college in the afternoon. Didn't do alot. Met up with Lucy for a bit, She's doing first aid.

I've handed in all my observations so thats good.

Went to work. Actually did work for a change. Found out something about Saturday that I didn't know (Jo I'll tell you later). Think Kevins avoiding me. But then I think I am him. He was running for a bit while Anita had her break today and I was there thinking "don't let anything be wrong with anything" Luckily nothing was but yeah. But he grimaced when he went passed me. I was like yeah, I do that everytime I think about Saturday. Although not as much as some (I can't put that here so I'll tell you)

Came home. My lovely Mummy had made me a Jacket potato with cheese and beans. So I had proper food after work for a change.

Apart from that nothing really happened.

Questions

I have so many questions at the moment and so few answers to them.

Cleaning gives you too much time to think. I always end up thinking about my semi- messed up life.

I have soo many things I want to do in life but I don't even know if they're even realistic. Then there are the things that are and I'm not sure about.

Why are there no answers to my questions? Look theres another one. My thoughts often turn into questions. Most of them rhetorical. But some not. Some unanswerable.

So I'm lost in thought and not knowing. Not knowing the answers, not knowing what I should do to find out, not even knowing if I want to know the answers to the questions.

I'm really confused. Maybe it's lack of sleep.

Did I really say that?

Went into ASDA this morning. Saw Pete. Turns out he went somewhere else when he "went looking for Maria" So I'm not crazy and we didn't just loose him. He just didn't tell us where he was going.

My mum told him that I was still being sick at 20 to 10 yesterday. He laughed. No actually it wasn't funny, not for me anyway.

We went nd got some stuff for today and as I was coming out Amanda waved at me and went "are you feeling better now?" I was like "Yeah"

We were going out of the door and my Mum waved at Pete. He told her to go over to him. He then goes "Your daughter said that I had a long tongue" I can't remember saying that. I really can't and that was before I got that drunk. Its the truth. He has a long wierd tongue.

Look...........



.......................... See.

Anyways I think I'm going to see Kevin tonight. Oops.

Pen

My uncle bought me a pen when he was on holiday. It's quite cool. It says.................

"Naomi,

A female of stunning vitality,

Can adapt to changing conditions."

What does that mean?

Nums went drinkin'

Last night I drank waaaaaaaaay too much. Seriously, I still feel ill.

So, I finished work at 8. Me, Kirsty and Mel got changed down stairs.

Kisty and Mel getting ready. (No there isnt one of me)

We walked up to the Lamb after we had met Chris (Mels boyfriend) and Brian met us up the road. Brian and Chris went and had a drink somewhere else and left us on our own.

We got there and had our free drink. And the Kevin bought us one. Whoo I don't dislike him as much now.

We went and stood by the DJ person andPete and Maria came and joined us. I took some random pics. Yay. They were quite random.





Maria and Pete disappeared so me and Mel followed them. They had gone outside so that Pete could have a fag. I didn't know he smoked but there you go. So we all sat outside which was nice because it was cooler. Kirsty got very drunk. Mel broke up with her boyfriend.

Sam and Amanda turned up and we talked about the future and stuff. Sam was like "Oh My God, shes drunk and she knows what shes talking about" We were talking about the New York thingy that Kels told me about. Then there was a random guy that I had no idea who was. He said that he liked me because I was funny. I was quite scared.



So yeah, me and Kevin somehow broke a glass. We weren't sure what was in it (it was marias and she wasn't there) so we were tasting it I passed it to Kevin and he dropped it. Silly blokey. We ended up blaming everybody for the glass breaking.

I was really drunk and said something about not being lippy and he said that I was. Later I said that he didn't like me and he was like "If I didn't like you you would know" He was quite drunk too so hopefully he won't remember that much when he's back at work tomorrow.

I remember lying down on the ground at one point and I heard Mel go "she's not dead shes moving"

Yeah so went home went to bed. got up 10 minutes later and threw up. Not nice. I finally got to sleep in the early hours of this morning and woke up again at half five and guess what? I was sick. I didn't go 30 minutes without being sick this morning. My dad was like phone in sick. I couldn't coz they would know that it was just a hangover because I was at the party last night.

Once I got to work though I was fine. Well I stopped being sick anyways. Katie was soo good today. She helped me set up the bags and stuff an my till this morning. She told me that I had to eat something hot at lunchtime because it would make me feel better. So I did and I did. When I came beck up from lunch Lorraine was like "what happened to you?" But eating something had made me feel loads better. So I spent the rest of the afternoon being my usual cheery self. Me and Katie played with teddies and got excited about her birthday. She was making a list of the stuff that she would need for her party and stuff.

Amanda came along with Anita and said to me "Did you enjoy yourself last night" I was like "yeah" and then she goes to Anita and says her and Melissa were blowing me kisses last night" I was like OMG I couldn't remember doing that.

But yeah I feel loads better now.