Two years ago........

Two years ago I was pretty much in a similar situation to what I am now. Only this time I don't know what I am going to do. This time I am lost.

I didn't think that I would be in this position. But then I didn't think alot of things would happen then.

Two years ago I never would have thought that I'd be who I am. Or be doing what I'm doing.

I always thought that I knew everything. That my life was so clear cut. But I've finally taken off my rose tinted glasses and have seen whats going on. As much as I hate to admit it I'm fucked. Theres no other way I can put it. I don't know what I want to do. We finish college in a couple of weeks and I still don't know what I want to do. I'm gonna end up working for ASDA for the rest of my life. Not that that's not a bad thing I mean I love it there, it's just I can't stay there forever.

I know what I have to do I just don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I have the courage. I suppose I'm scared. I'm scared of putting myself out there. That I'll be rejected.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, rather the judgement that something is more important"

This may be true. But is it more important? I don't know.

I guess I just don't want to let go. The end of this course will mark my transition into the real world. The world where I'm a grown up and have to make decisions. Where I have to be responsible for things. I don't think I'm ready for that.

But I can't stop time so I just have to carry on with things. Put on my happy face and pretend that everything is Ok.