spending and goodbyes

Today I went and put my display up at college. It looks ok, not great but it'll do. We got all our assignments back and stuff. My unit 11 had been upgraded after all. Ok so its not going to give me a better grade overall but I still got it. All the teachers were stressy. Don't know why.

We ate our cheese cake and squirty cream after going and stealing sporks. The lady didn't know what Kelly was talking about.

Kelly gave me and Jo a lift to town when we had finished. Everything seemed so anticlimatic. We said good bye as we went out the door. It's strange I'm not going to see most of them again. All that happened was a quick goodbye as we went out the door. I mean some of them I couldn't care less really. But they have been apart of my life, granted not a big one, but still they have been there and now they're not gonna be.

Another thing that's strange is the lack of sadness on my part. When I left school I cried loads. Before we left I cried most nights because I would be loosing all those people. I cried before we even left. I didn't cry in the last day though which is odd. Anyway. I haven't cried at the thought of leaving college. Is that because I've grown up or because it meant less to me, the people meant less. I know the latter isn't totally true. I care so much about some of them and I don't want to loose them. I hope I won't. Also I've said that college was the best thing that I've done. I've grown so much through it, I've gained confidence in myself. I've changed in the last two years in the last couple of months and those have been good changes (I hope)

So now to the future, What the fuck am I supposed to do? I really don't know. Kerry's got a job already. I haven't even bothered to look. I'm going to take some time out. I need some. I have been on the go almost constantly for the last few months. I barely ever get a day off. Next week I've got monday, Tuesday, Wednesday totally off at least. I don't know what I want to do and I need time to eveluate my options. My parents are fine with that. They know that I'll do what I think is best and respect it.

The only thing is I don't think I know what is best.

Went shopping with Jo. Bought a top and a skirt. I bought another curtain and a cushion. Went into ASDA twice. When Jo left I had some time before the bus and I bought some jeans and a belt. i really should save some money though.

Went to work and actually worked for once. I also broke lots of stuff. Well I didn't the customers did but it was on my till.

I'm a little lost now.