Ok so yeah I was just thinking, Its been two weeks since the end of college. What have I done? Worked. Have I looked for a job? No. Have I actually done anything constructive? No.
What am I doing? I dunno. I may have kinda decided that I'm going to uni, but apart from that. I mean I had a scary thought yesterday, what if I end up at ASDA perminantly. I mean I really don't see me leaving at the moment. I was talking to Beck about getting a job with children saying that I really should and she was like "yeah so should I, I've been qualified for two years, I'm still here".
I dunno the plan was always that ASDA was a temporary job, that by this time I would have looked and hopefully got a job. What changed? I dunno maybe it was my last placement. Maybe it put me off. I mean Sam says that she doesn't want to work in a nursery now and she was there too.
But then if this is a gap year does it really matter? I dunno. I'm qualified to do something yes but would it matter if I was still at ASDA if it was only a gap year? I want to travel and do stuff but I don't know if I have the confidence to do it by myself I don't know if I could do that. It's a dream yes, but maybe tht's all it is.
ASDA kinda feel like its where I belong. I don't want to leave. as sad as that is, I want to stay there. I never thought I'd see myself working in a supermarket but here I am.
I miss college as well. Is that sad. I think it's the security, of knowing that I don't have to have that much responsibility and stuff because I'm a student, I'm not qualified.
I miss the people. I miss the "crew" most of all, I'd love to just randomly meet up with them and stuff but I don't like suggesting stuff incase they don't want to (I was going to ask aboput shopping for days before I actually did) I don't want my plan to be rejected , maybe I feel like it would be like them rejecting me. I dunno.
Anyhoo I dunno, maybe I'm just rambling on about stuff. I do that alot. I mean this is my forth blog entry today, thats bad even for me. I just feel like I should talk about stuff I want to type. I guess it's something to do. I don't know how I'm going to cope next week when I have nothing to do. I go dolally when I have a spare 3 hours let alone 3 days.
Ok I think I'm gonna stop going on and subjecting you to my ramble.
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1 comment:
I get ya nums, im the same - in a way.
I mean its like Tesco is the first places ive ever felt like i belong and i dont want to leave. In that sense i get you.
But sometimes you need to face your fears and go with your dreams. If you wanna travel, do it. Sure its going to be scary at first but what if in a few years you look back and all you see is you wanting to do it, but instead sitting there in Asda because you were too scared to go alone. You'd regret it. Traveling would be an amazing experience and great thing to do it. Look past the fears and do it if you really want to.
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